(originally published on Deseret News)

I know you don’t get it. Social media is not your thing. You have a group of 15 guys who mean something to you. You text them a couple times a year, get together every now and then, check out their family on a Christmas card and your life feels full. When you see me scrolling through posts and commenting on photos of people I only know virtually, or sharing news about our family you are sure no one cares about, it is all you can do to refrain from an eye roll. I get it. From the outside it seems silly to me, too.

But, as a mom, at home with kids most of the day, these virtual people are, in a way, my colleagues:

The post Dear Husband: Here is Why I Can’t Quit Social Media appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

I loved being involved in Teacher Appreciation Week at the elementary school last year. It is one of my favorite volunteer opportunities because I think teachers are amazing and it is so much fun to be able to spoil them for a week. I couldn’t find much on Pinterest, so we had to start from scratch last year. Since there is no need to reinvent the wheel, I thought I would share what we did in case anyone is in need of a last minute theme!

THEME: These are a few of my favorite things! (Sound of Music)

TEACHER QUESTIONNAIRE: We passed out a questionnaire to each of the teachers at the school and asked them to fill it out and tell us a little about their favorite things. This was a lot of fun for the kids to read and very helpful during our appreciation week. If your school is more tech savvy, just have them post their answers to their teacher website to save on paper and hassle. If not, HERE is a link to a paper version you can use.

DOOR DECORATIONS: I hate decorating doors and I don’t think I am alone. If I did it again, I would skip door decorations and just decorate the doors into the faculty room. However, we did decorate doors and so many of our volunteers went above and beyond. Some went with the simple theme, “Brown paper packages tied up with string,” while others chose to focus on teacher “favorites.” Many asked the kids what their favorite things were about their teachers, which made the doors so meaningful. Here are a few worth copying.

DAILY TEACHER GIFTS: We sent a letter home that had a list of the teacher’s favorite items and a theme for each day (for example: on Monday, bring her favorite candy…). Students could choose to bring something daily, one little gift, or just fill out the note. What I liked about using their favorites is all week that teachers were given things they loved and would use. At the bottom of the flyer was a little letter the kids could fill out at home to tell their teacher what they loved about him or her. If I did it again, I would let the kids fill out the letters during a lunchroom activity so that everyone would have the chance to bring a note to their teacher. For a copy of the letter we sent home, click HERE.

FOOD: I am pretty sure that the way to a teacher’s heart is through food. Each day we provided something for them to enjoy and they were thrilled with the chance to kick back and relax during lunchtime without eating leftovers! My amazing friends decorated the room so beautifully in accordance with the theme at the beginning of the week (lots of brown paper packages tied up with string) and it stayed looking great all week long.

Our menu was for the week was:

Monday: Pork Chalupa tostadas. Recipe for the pork is HERE. It is a nice option because it is filling, inexpensive and also gluten and dairy free. The rest of the meal was pretty simple…hard tostada shells, lettuce, cheese, sour cream, guacamole, salsa, chips, fruit, and dessert.

Tuesday: Breakfast before school. We had a variety of parents bring in hot breakfast casseroles, cinnamon rolls, fruit, muffins, and juice. We served them 45 minutes before the beginning of school and it was a fun start to their day. It was also the type of meal that many people can contribute to.

Wednesday: We wanted to keep things simple in the middle of the week, but still wanted to provide a meal, so we ordered a bunch of sandwiches from the Walmart Deli. They are yummy and a killer deal. You can put whatever you like on them…turkey and gouda, roast beef and muenster, and they come with all the lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, onions, mustard and mayo. It is awesome. With those we provided small bags of chips, a few veggie trays and dessert. A super easy day!

Thursday: We pulled out all the stops for this one. We made the Chicken, Pesto, Spinach and Pine Nut Pasta (recipe HERE), homemade rolls, fruit with fruit dip, and yummy desserts. This day was a little more work, but for sure worth it.

Friday: As the week wound down, we paid for drinks and cookies for all the teachers at a local soda shop at the end of school (Friday is early out). Worth every penny!

Hopefully this gives you some great ideas for celebrating your teachers!

The post Teacher Appreciation Week: These are a Few of My Favorite Things appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

I have been thinking a lot about stones lately.

At my grandmother’s funeral, my uncle told of a time when he couldn’t wait to share a juicy bit of neighborhood gossip with his mom. Her immediate response was, “People who live in glass houses don’t throw stones.” His little boy heart was hoping for a much better reaction, so he tried once more. Again he heard, “People who live in glass houses don’t throw stones.”

This same message occurs in the New Testament when Jesus halted the condemnation of the woman taken in adultery by saying, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” He stopped the stones.

Bryan Stevenson, in the powerful book “Just Mercy” asks his readers to not just refrain from throwing stones but to become stone catchers, people who will stand up for those under fire and protect those who are too beaten down to defend themselves.

It made me think. I wondered what life might be like if there were more stone catchers than stone throwers.

I encountered a stone catcher years ago in the aisles of Target. I was trying to reason with my unreasonable 2-year-old while I held a screaming baby. Just before I lost it all, a woman said to me, “I love how you speak so kindly to your children even when they are giving you a hard time. You are a wonderful mother.” In that moment, I was saved by a stone catcher. I am not the only one.

Jessica had just delivered her sixth baby and was barely staying afloat. At the time, her third-grader was diagnosed with ADD, was struggling in school and Jessica didn’t have the bandwidth to help him. His teacher rescued them both. She took that little boy under her wing without complaint, loved him, taught him and ensured his academic success, never once questioning Jessica’s lack of involvement or choice to have another baby when her plate seemed so full. She carried them both through that year, protected them and loved them when it would have been so easy to do the opposite.

MJ was going through a divorce she never expected. She braced herself for whispers, judgments and isolation, but instead found hope and strength in her family and friends. They were her stone catchers. They offered couches to sleep on so she didn’t have to spend the nights alone, and listening ears when she couldn’t take the heartbreak. One day, MJ’s daughter had a friend over to play, and that afternoon MJ was confronted with devastating news. The kids were outside, so she sobbed to herself, trying her best to hide her pain. That night, on her doorstep, was a pizza and a note from the mom of the little girl who had been over to play and heard MJ crying through the door. In that moment, MJ’s heart started to heal and her guilt was swept away for a moment by the food and love offered by that kind woman,

A few years ago, my grandfather asked my cousin to help him put up a welcome home sign on the gate that marks the entrance to their polished, private community. As they were tying it to the fence, my cousin asked where the man was returning from, assuming it would be from military service, college or a mission. He was startled at the answer: “He is coming home from prison and I want him to know that we are happy he is back with us.”

So, can we be stone catchers? Can we smile at that teenager with wild friends and loud music and get to know him instead of rolling our eyes? Can we talk less about the school yard bully and find ways to love him instead? Can we rescue the mother who is barely holding on? Can we hold our words of contempt on the internet and seek to understand first, asking questions instead of hurling insults?

Can you imagine a world full of stone catchers? A place where the benefit of the doubt is given, where judgment is held, where forgiveness is shown, and where we walk in one another’s shoes more often than our own. I’ve seen glimpses of this kind of world. I have been loved by people who see me instead of my faults; who see divine potential in my misbehaving children; who love unconditionally. I want to join these stone catchers as they change our world, one stone at a time.

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Dear Mothers of Today,

Let us start by saying we are in awe of you. Being a mother now seems so much more difficult than it was when we were mothers. We didn’t have technology to monitor or social media to worry about, neighborhoods and parks were safe places to wander, allergies were rare, extra-curricular choices were limited and life seemed to move a little more slowly. We watch you juggle so many things and are so proud of the way you seem to do it all.

We love the way you keep yourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy by refueling through exercise, date nights, personal interests, and professional counseling. These habits allow you to better manage the stresses of motherhood with a smile. You are so good at involving husbands and fathers in childrearing, and it is a wonderful thing to see you work together as a partnership.

You pass on this healthy and active mindset to your children. We watch our grandbabies eat avocados and peppers for breakfast and our grandkids chomp on salmon and sweet potatoes for dinner. This is a far cry from the Pop-Tarts and Cheetos of the past. You spend your Saturdays on bike rides, hiking and exploring the world together, and mom is always part of the fun. This makes us smile.

You inspire us as you serve in your communities, churches and the world at large. We see you take on roles that stretch you far beyond what you imagined you were capable of, yet you do it so well. You let your children be a part of this service, and they learn selfless values from you. They are focusing on giving and showing love to everyone at such young ages, and we think it is phenomenal.

We are thrilled by your focus on learning. Regardless of your educational status, mothers today study, read, learn and increase their talents. This desire to know, grow and improve is passed on to your children by example and is a gift for which they will forever be grateful.

They will also be thankful that you loved them enough to talk openly about the hard but important things. We watch in amazement as you handle topics in real time that were often too uncomfortable or taboo for us to talk frankly and honestly about. You discuss sex, drugs, death, suicide, pornography, politics, faith and religion with your little ones in age appropriate ways and answer questions without judgment. We know it can’t be easy and we salute you for doing it anyway.

Perhaps the thing we are most impressed by is the way so many of you love motherhood. Sometimes we, as older mothers, are a little critical of young mothers because they don’t do things the same way we did and don’t feel “guilty” like we used to. You are less constrained by the norms and feel no need to be a martyr. This allows you to truly enjoy what you do.

You get down and play with your kids; you don’t stay inside doing dishes while the rest of the family heads to the park; you play loud music and dance; you stay up late for meteor showers; and you are OK making a mess and cleaning it up much later with everyone’s help. I think your kids know you love being a mom, and I’m not sure ours always did. You are better at understanding what matters most and living that way. There is nothing more fulfilling than watching that kind of mother raise our grandchildren.

Because we are moms, we also want to caution you about a few things our older perspective has allowed us to see.

Do not compare yourselves online or in person with others. Social media sets a stealthy trap that is so easy to fall into. Remember you and your children each have a unique path only you can walk and spiritual gifts that are solely yours, be secure in that.

Please watch the time your family spends with technology. These kids are plugged in so often and are missing out on life experiences because of it. The same thing is happening with parents (and grandparents!). Take some technology breaks, keep some of your life private, look up and out more often and make a point to truly connect. We think this is a battle worth fighting.

We love the way you help your children develop their talents, but make sure there is still time to play and be kids. Children should have time to be creative, hang out with friends, take family vacations, attend church events and explore less structured interests. Be sensitive to different personalities and needs. What is good for one child can be harmful to the next, so don’t let coaches or programs dictate your life to you. Be flexible and open to what is best for your children on an individual basis.

We wish more of you would eat together. Our favorite memories were made around the dinner table. The food doesn’t matter, but there is such safety and security when children see their families eat, talk and laugh together each day. These daily moments of learning to trust, share and communicate are invaluable.

Our last request is to ask you to take a step back. We know you love those little ones, and so do we, but because you love them, give them space. Let them take responsibility for their own actions and reap natural consequences at a young age. Don’t fight their battles. Expect them to work hard and contribute. Allow them to fail, and then let them feel the joy that comes from owning a problem and solution all on their own.

We know that nothing about motherhood is easy, but you are doing it so well. Hold on to your sense of humor and laugh at yourself every now and then. Keep faking interest in Pokémon and knock-knock jokes and lip gloss and tween heartthrobs. Keep kissing owies and waking up all night and rocking sick babies. Keep listening when they are ready to talk, even if it is long after you wanted to go to bed. Keep loving them when they are unlovable and forgiving them when they have hurt you, so they will always know they have somewhere to turn.

Keep showing your kids how to enjoy and love life, even during the hard times. Assume the best in people and intentions. Pick your battles and let the little and unimportant things go. Be who you hope your children will become; they are always watching and want to be just like you. Say yes whenever you can, but know when to say no. Be your children’s advocate and celebrate their uniqueness. Don’t be afraid to ask for help; you were never meant to do this all on your own. Don’t worry so much. Have faith that things will work out for the best, because in our experience, in the long run, they usually do.

We are cheering for you. We are praying for you. We love you. Mothers of today, you’ve got this.

All our love,

Yesterday’s Moms

**Author’s Note: This article was compiled from from interviews with 8 incredible mothers who have raised their children. I then wove their thoughts and advice into a piece for the mothers of today. Original article was published in the Deseret News.

The post A Love Letter from Yesterday’s Moms to the Mothers of Today appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

Every year seems to go by more quickly…we are already at the end of school and I wish I could freeze time. This year has been especially wonderful…amazing teachers, good friends and boys growing into more of the men I hope they will become.

At the end of the year, we always get our teachers a little thank-you gift, but more importantly, my boys write a heartfelt note of thanks to them that is specific and honest. Sometimes it is hard for them to think of exactly what they want to say, so I created these prompts for them. They have to choose 3, but they can do as many as they want. I love that it gets them thinking but allows them to truly share their feelings. It also works great for those who can’t write well yet, their answers are always my favorite.

Hope our idea makes your end of the year notes a little easier!

The post Teacher Thank You Note Prompt appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

I love youth sports. I have 4 boys and they play them All. The. Time. For the most part, win or lose, it is something they enjoy and grow from. However, last night, it was ugly.

My son decided to start competition basketball very late in the game. He is on a team full of beginners and it has been a tough season without even one win. They play significantly more skilled and more experienced teams every single week and most of the time get absolutely slaughtered.

The silver lining is that they have a phenomenal coach who consistently teaches them fundamentals and patiently encourages and coaches them through each game. He doesn’t expect them to win, but he does expect them to improve, which they have done.  Everyone has to start somewhere, right?

Last night we played, arguably, the best of the best in our league. As the opposing team walked in, their shortest player was the same size as our tallest, and they had at least three kids who had our boys by about 8 inches. Definitely a modern day David and Goliath moment. Our kids were intimidated from the start as they watched these giants warm up. The game started, and both sides played hard, but we were no match for them. At half they had outscored us by 30 points.

At the beginning of the third quarter, the boys on the other side were obviously not taking things too seriously anymore, laughing when they shot an air ball and joking around and giggling with their coaches on the bench. It was clear how they felt about playing a team like ours. To their credit, the boys were cool on the court, high-fiving our kids when they made a shot and smiling and conversing with them on the foul line.

And then, at the beginning of the fourth quarter, the coach waves a younger brother over to the bench. He looks about 5 or 6 years younger than our boys, and he gives him a jersey and tells him to suit up. The little kid excitedly puts on the oversized top while the entire bench laughs hysterically and encourages him while the game continues on the court. The younger brother goes to check in at the score table amid raucous laughter from the other side, and then everyone painfully realizes what is going on.

Our boys’ faces fall and their bodies deflate, all of a sudden aware that they are being mocked. That these coaches and fathers from a far superior team have found it necessary to put on a show at the expense of our players; to kick them when they are already down. For them, beating a team by 50 points isn’t quite enough, they must lord their superiority over the underdog until they have emotionally decimated these new players.

Our coach stops the game and discusses the move with the officials and scorekeepers, who should have known better. A few parents on ourside shout their opposition to what is going on and walk out. The mood in the gym goes from light-hearted on one side and embarrassed on the other to tense and uncomfortable for everyone as the younger brother is told to sit back down. No good person could have watched the scenario without feeling like something terribly wrong had just happened.

Our team signed up for a competitive basketball league and was prepared to be beat by as many points as the other team could score, but we were unprepared for the classless display of elementary behavior put on by men who should know better and be better. 

But, even after all this, there is still a moment from last night that makes me smile. Through that thick air, our boys finished out the last 6 painful minutes. They hustled, kept their heads up, and completed the game the way they started, giving it everything they had.

This is why we play sports, because of moments like these. The winning is fun. The activity is necessary. The friendships are lasting, and developing talents and seeing physical growth and improvement is thrilling. But, in the end, it is about so much more.

It is about winning and losing with grace; about working hard, not being rewarded, and working hard anyway; about trying and failing; about going up against impossible odds; about banding together for something bigger than the individual; about getting back up when everything says you are defeated; about finishing what you started. Sports, when done well, can shape young people into a better version of themselves, and last night I was incredibly proud to be part of the losing team.

The opposing coaches certainly know how to teach basketball, but they fall seriously short when it comes to teaching character. And when all is said and done, what else really matters?

The post The Ugliest Moment I Have Seen in Youth Sports appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

Technology rarely blows me away. In fact, oftentimes it seems to make life more complicated than it was before; However, the relatively new app, Our Pact, has made managing screen time, smart phones, and everything in between so incredibly simple and has given me the peace of mind that is often absent when it comes to technology.

I downloaded the app a few weeks ago, and it was so easy to use and effective I had to let my readers know. It will truly change your family’s electronic life and put you back in control, while allowing age appropriate freedom and trust. Here is what it can do for your family:

1. Create schedules: For each device you own, you can set a usage schedule. For older family members, you may only set a bedtime schedule that blocks the phone from 10pm-6am. For younger family members, you may have not only bedtime, but homework time, family time, play time, etc. During these blocked times of day, your child will not be able to access their phone at all. As soon as the block is lifted, the phone is back on. This is especially useful if the teen’s phone is used as an alarm clock, if they read on a device, or if you have a child who likes to sneak their iPad into bed at night. 
2. Block Apps: Many parents don’t mind their kids having a smart phone but want to block access to certain apps. Our Pact allows you to block apps that you don’t approve of at any time. You can also block the App Store, Internet Browsers, and Google Play so that additional apps cannot be downloaded. This feature is fantastic! If your child uses their phone at school, but you don’t want them wasting time there, you can block the gaming apps until homework is finished. If you only want your child using social media when you can monitor things, you can block the app until you are together and can supervise. So cool!!
3. Limit Screen Time: This option is especially effective for younger users when it comes to the iPad or other tablets and it keeps parents accountable too! You can set a screen time limit per device each day and when the screen time runs out, the device is no longer accessible. I love that it sets real boundaries for kids and allows them to manage their own screen time. If they only get two hours each day, they can choose carefully how they will use it and then get creative with the rest of their time. 
4. Block on the spot: One of the features I love about Our Pact is the chance to block the device any time! We were at a play and I saw my son pull out his phone to check a text. Since that is an inappropriate place to use your phone and he didn’t exhibit the control I wanted to see, I blocked his access until I wanted to grant it again. You can do this anytime, as often as you need to, regardless of the schedule you have set. I also love this if you think your teens has spent too much time on their phone in one day…it offers them a forced break. 
5. Locate Family: In addition to all the other great perks, it can also tell you exactly where your child’s device is at all times. Also helpful if misplacing expensive technology is a problem for your family.
6. Sign a Contract: I love Our Pact because it not only provides controls but gives parents tools to start conversations about healthy screen time, smart online communication, and the appropriate place for technology in our lives. As you go through and set schedules, app rules, and screen limits, you can use the contract they provide to decide together the best way to use technology.

So, now that you know what it can do for you and your family, here are some questions you might want answers to:

Q: Is it hard to install and use?

A: It is so easy! You simply download the app to your phone, and then download it to the other devices you want to control.

Q: My child is pretty good at getting around things. Can they take it off?

A: If the app is ever removed from a device, the parents are notified immediately. If you need any technical help, you can contact Our Pact for suggestions on using it with very tech savvy kids.

Q: Does it run through a router? Is it easy for my kids to turn off?

A: No. Other controls run through routers which means they only work when they are on and when your children are inside your home. This is an app that cannot be turned off or worked around.

Q: Can I control their phones and tablets even when I am not with them or when they are out of our home?

A: Yes! You do everything from your phone, so you can be in another country and still be able to block, schedule, and allow for all of your devices.

Q: I have multiple children with multiple devices, how many can I control?

A: Depending on the plan, you can control as many as 20 devices.

Q: Sounds pretty amazing, how much will this cost me?

A: Our Pact offers three different plans:

1. FREE: This free plan offers you one device and one schedule. It can allow you to, at the very least, set screen free sleep hours, which is good for everyone.
2. $1.99 per month: This middle plan allows you to control 10 devices. On those devices you can set unlimited schedules, and you have access to unlimited blocks and grants on those devices.
3. $4.99 per month: This premium plan allows you to control 20 devices. On those devices you can set unlimited schedules, have access to unlimited blocks and grants, block and allow specific apps, set screen time limits, block texts, and make use of the family locator.

I would highly encourage you to give their FREE TRIAL a shot and see how it changes the technology use in your home. I couldn’t love it more! If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know!

The post Our Pact: The App All Parents Should Know About appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

As I have read about and pondered the events that happened Saturday in Charlottesville, Virginia, I was struck with the responsibility we have as parents to teach our children to love, to break the cycle of hate that is so prevalent today, and to respect and learn from differences instead of fight against them. My mind wandered back to a recent article I wrote about Stone Catchers v. Stone Throwers and I wanted to help my children understand that message more clearly and be able to put it into practice.

After we read the article aloud (find it HERE,) I had them role play how to be a stone catcher. I wanted to see if they understood what it meant to stand up for someone who can’t stand up for themselves and to hold up principles without being combative and unkind, even when those around you want to do differently. I can think of no better lesson to teach my children before we return to school this year.

Here is how we did it:   

We crumpled up 8 pieces of paper into balls and chose someone to stand before the group. We then had another person stand in front of them and be their “Stone Catcher.” When the crowd shouted an insult and hurled a “stone” their way, the Stone Catcher had to step in. He did his best to catch the stone in his own hand and think of a way to defend the person behind him. Sometimes our kids understood how to do it on their own, other times it was more difficult and we had to help guide them (you can adjust for age and gender):

Person under fire: A teacher that everyone hates

The crowd: That teacher is the worst. She is so mean and yells all the time. I heard that she lives by herself with 100 cats.

Stone Catcher: How do you know? My brother had her and said she is a really good teacher if you are respectful in her class. That would be hard to live all by yourself and then come to school with all these kids. I see why she might get grumpy. 

Person under fire: The school bully

The crowd: I can’t stand that kid. He is rude to everyone. He thinks he is so cool, but no one even likes him.

Stone Catcher: He is actually really fun when you get him one on one. Maybe he is having a hard time at home or something, you never know. Let’s go see if he wants to join us at recess, looks like he could use a friend. 

Person under fire: A new kid in class who doesn’t speak English very well

The crowd: Did you hear that new kid talk? He doesn’t even know English! He should go back to his own country.

Stone Catcher: I can’t imagine how hard it would be to go to school in a new country and not know the language. Let’s ask him to be part of our reading group so we can help him learn English better. It would be cool to find out where he is from and why he moved here.

Person under fire: An autistic boy

The crowd: There is a kid in my class who is SOOOO annoying. He talks out of turn, never does what the teacher wants him to do, flaps his hands, and makes all these crazy noises.

Stone Catcher: Is it David? I think he has autism. Some of what he does might seem strange to you, but it is how he processes things. Maybe you can ask his mom or dad how it is best to relate to him and be his friend. We have some autistic kids in our grade, and once you figure them out, they are super cool and funny. It takes a little extra time, but it is worth it.

Person under fire: A boy who spends all his time singing and dancing

The crowd: Okay, that kid is so weird. He never wants to play sports and spends all his time making up songs and dances.

Stone Catcher: Most of the actors in movies right now spent most of their years singing and dancing. He is really good at it too, have you seen him perform?

Person under fire: A girl who struggles with reading

The crowd: Did you hear that girl read today? I mean, we are in 5th grade and she still sounds words out!

Stone Catcher: Maybe she has dyslexia or something else that makes it hard for her to learn. I think it is cool that she still tries even though it is hard for her. Plus, have you seen her play soccer? She is amazing.

Person under fire: A brother

The crowd: He is so annoying! All he wants to do is make my life miserable. He whines so much and always wants to hang out with me and my friends.

Stone Catcher: Actually, he really looks up to you and is super fun most of the time. I think he only whines because he misses hanging out with you. Maybe you can invite him to do something with you one on one before your friends come over then ask him to give you some space. Remember how much fun you guys have playing basketball together? You should do that more. .

Person under fire: A girl who is lonely

The crowd: She is so weird. She eats lunch alone because she smells bad. She barely even talks, that is why she doesn’t have any friends.

Stone Catcher: I am pretty sure everyone is weird in their own way, right? I know I am!  I think the cafeteria smells bad, not her. We should invite her to come eat with us and get to know her!

Person under fire: A little boy who is hard to get along with

The crowd: We don’t like to play with him, he is so selfish and will never do anything anyone else wants to do. He isn’t fun to have around and is always such a baby when he doesn’t get his way.

Stone Catcher: Let’s invite him anyway. We can play what he likes to play first and then change games later. It doesn’t bother me when he pouts, we can still keep having fun.

Person under fire: A boring church teacher

The crowd: I hate going to Sunday school, our teacher is so boring! Seriously, it is the worst.

Stone Catcher: Maybe this is his first time teaching kids, and we aren’t an easy class. Maybe if we give some suggestions or add to the lesson it will be more interesting. 

All in all, it was a great night of learning, and I hope it will make a difference for them and those around them this year and in lots of years to come. It wasn’t perfect…there were a few tears when the Stone Catcher missed and the 40 mph paper ball flew into someone’s eye, and sometimes the Stone Catcher lines were far from what I would consider ideal, but overall, it seemed like they learned and internalized what it meant to be a stone catcher in their own little lives.

Since then, we have been able to call each other out with gentle reminders to be Stone Catchers not Stone Throwers, parents included, and focus a little more on what it means to love.

The post Teaching Our Kids to be Stone Catchers appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

Middle school. There are few words in my vocabulary that elicit such a visceral reaction. Reading them together takes me right back to sweater vests, Girbaud jeans, bad bangs and a burning desire to fit in.

A few years ago, as I watched my oldest walk up the hill toward junior high, it felt as if I were feeding him to the wolves. Gone were the insulated, comfortable days of elementary school, and my stomach was in knots, hoping he would return intact.

As my second child heads that same direction next week, it got me thinking about what I’ve learned about those crazy, difficult, exciting and formative years and what I wish someone had told me before we started this journey. So I thought I’d share.

For some kids, middle school is wonderful. They breeze right through with friends, A’s and popularity, and their parents exclaim things like, “Oh, my daughter LOVES middle school!” or “My son has really found his niche as student body president!”

I liken these parents to the ones who had babies who slept through the night at 6 weeks old. Some people just get really lucky, and I hope you are one of them. But if you are not, maybe a few collective experiences can help, because for most kids, middle school is tough. Even the kids who look like they have it all together, who seem to be breezing through, are struggling. It is what this stage of life is all about.

Middle-schoolers leave the sunshine-and-rainbow discussions of elementary carpet circles and are thrust into exchanges about controversial current issues, difficult moments in history, sex and drugs. They listen to crass words in the halls and locker rooms, see ugly things being applauded and watch jerky people rise to the top.

They are probably using most of their energy just to keep their heads above water. Know this, and let them open up about what they are seeing, hearing and feeling. Understand that they are being forced to grow up in a week, so help them make sense of this brave new world; don’t act as if nothing has changed.

Though you have been organizing play dates, study groups, car pools and sports teams for their entire lives, suddenly you are expected to step WAY back and let them handle things, and you have to do that. Unless it is something serious, adding a parent to the mix usually just embarrasses kids and makes things worse. It will feel almost impossible to resist your mama-bear urges when your children are left out, excluded, blamed or passed over, but the best thing you can do is encourage them to figure things out, help restore their confidence and let them grow.

This can be painful as you watch them decide that everyone is prettier, better, cooler and smarter than they are; when they are home alone on a weekend; when drama seems to engulf everything, or when forever friends become awkward acquaintances. Be prepared for your own heart to break over and over again.

But tell them they are not alone, that everyone feels this way in middle school, because it is true. When the drama is high, use your perspective to help them see both sides of a situation and bring them back to reality. Teach them what it means to be a friend, then remind them of how you changed friends and found new ones, and how it all ended up being OK. Show them that you, unconditionally, still see them as a star and will always be their biggest fan.

When things are rough, they are going to want to disengage and lie low. Being lazy will become their top priority, because if they don’t care or don’t put themselves out there, they won’t get hurt. They will refuse to try out for or participate in anything. They will slack off in school and try to get away with the same at home. This is when you will have to force a few things. Find opportunities for them to get involved and then make them do it. Hold on to expectations. They might hate you in the moment, but they will thank you later. I promise.

There will be times your middle-schooler will really not like you. It is natural for them to push the boundaries, to not respond as a book says they will and to be angry about your stupid rules and plans. They will tell you what all their other friends get to do/have/buy and how much cooler everyone else is compared with you.

This will make you question your parenting daily. You will feel emotionally exhausted and mentally depleted. You will look left and think you are much too strict. You will look right and feel guilty about allowing too much freedom. You will wonder how everyone else seems to be making it work so easily and wish for a redo. The best thing you can do is stop comparing, because you never see the whole story on the outside and this isn’t easy for anyone.

Your situation is unique and there is no one-size-fits-all solution, so figure out what works best for your family, for your child, and start from there. Be confident in the way you have chosen to parent, but be ready to adjust as life and situations change.

If nothing works, enlist the help of others. If your child seems especially low or beyond your reach, find someone … a teacher, a counselor, a professional. The mental health statistics and suicide rates at this age are alarming and not to be taken lightly. Don’t brush a concern under the rug. If things feel serious to you, fight for a solution.

And when things are good, live it up. Middle-schoolers can be so much fun! It is remarkable to see them change and mature. Your conversations are about to become much more adult and interesting, and you will marvel at the way they are suddenly able to contribute to your family and the world in ways they never could before.

There will be a new level of honesty between the two of you that will deepen your relationship and make you both better. You will find you have started enjoying the same activities, movies, books and food, so take advantage of those bonding moments and happy times. Help them find something they love. Celebrate their accomplishments. Get to know their friends. Look for the positive. Take time to enjoy watching them start to become the people they were meant to be.

There really is so much good happening, and I never intended to paint a bleak picture of middle school, but I do want to be real about what these years might hold. Your child may very well rock it, but if they don’t, it’s OK; they are OK; you are OK. Growth is painful, and the teen years are full of it, for parents and children. So hold on tight and love them hard. You are about to start a wild, beautiful ride.

The post A Word to Parents of a New Middle Schooler appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

Is there anything more meaningful than serving together as a family? We are always on the lookout for great service opportunities that impact those we serve but also help our children feel the value of serving, helping and reaching outside themselves.

Projects that foster this kind of connection can be difficult to come by, especially if you have younger kids or little to no money to spend, but, as I learned at a Community Connections event put on a few weeks ago by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there are so many ways families can serve TOGETHER!

I was inspired all morning by giving women in the greater Salt Lake area who are doing incredible things in their own organizations and for the community and world at large. When I asked each of them the question, “Do you have ways families can serve together?” Their immediate response was, “Yes!” and I couldn’t wait to share their ideas with you! While these organizations are in Utah, many have branches all over the country, so reach out to the ones closest to you! (all organizations linked so you can easily find more information and schedule a time to help)

Utah Food Bank

• Decorate food boxes for seniors: Go to the food bank and grab a few boxes to decorate with markers, stickers, and encouraging words. Return them to be used to pack food for seniors who could use something to brighten their day!
• Volunteer for family night: On Monday nights, bring the entire family (as young as 5) to work a shift sorting and packing at the food bank. Be sure to schedule these nights in advance because they do fill up quickly.
• Volunteer any time: For kids 12 and older, there are lots of shifts at the food bank that could use your help! Sign up for one today.
• Food Box Deliveries: Deliver boxes of food to those who cannot make it to the food pantry.

American Red Cross

• Sound the Alarm Campaign: The American Red Cross uses a large majority of its time and resources to respond to and help people recover from home fires! In order to mitigate this problem, they have started a campaign to install free smoke alarms in at-risk neighborhoods. You and your children can help in this effort by raising money, canvassing areas, or installing smoke alarms.
• Donate Blood: Parents can bring their children 16 years old and up to donate blood at any of the American Red Cross donation centers. These blood banks are vital to saving lives during a disaster. Start a life-saving tradition in your own family.
• Assist in Yellow Ribbon Events.

Catholic Community Services

• Mentor a Refugee Family: CCS pairs your family with a refugee family and you spend 3-5 hours per week helping them get acquainted to life in the United States. You may help with grocery shopping, meal prep, parent teacher conferences, or just being a friend.
• Serve food at the soup kitchen (must be 12 or older and accompanied by parent).
• Stock shelves and organize food at the Hall Food Bank.
• Deliver food boxes to elderly and shut in clients.
• Volunteer for yard work or maintenance of the Catholic Community Services buildings.
• Make baby blankets for new mothers who are struggling.
• Volunteer to do snow removal or lawn care for any of the CCS locations.
• Hold food drives, birthday bag drives, school supply drives, weekend food bag drives, hygiene kit drives and put them together.

Junior League of Salt Lake City

• Collect professional clothing for women transitioning back into the workforce.
• Help sort clothes and outfit women with new professional attire (girls and women only): Saturdays 10am-1pm/Tuesdays 5:30-8:30pm
• Help sort and organize clothes after hours (all welcome): Thursdays 6:30-8:30pm.

Bountiful Food Pantry

• Collect, sort and distribute food to needy families: many open volunteer hours for older children and adults. Take the opportunity to tour and learn more about the pantry.
• Attend family night: Every Monday night, bring your entire family (kids included) to help sort and stock shelves and make pantry packs!
• Adopt a family for Christmas: The Bountiful Food Pantry offers personal connections to provide Christmas for a needy family.
• Collect and organize grocery bags from neighbors for use at the pantry.
• Collect egg cartons for use at the pantry.
• Write kind notes or cards to place in pantry packs.
• Make birthday party kits (cake mix, frosting, candles, balloons) and deliver them to the pantry.
• Knit or crochet hats, scarves, mittens, socks, blankets, or quilts.
• Collect and donate children’s books that are in good condition that families can take from the food pantry.
• Take a tour of the pantry, learn about homelessness and hunger and how you can help.

4th Street Clinic

• Collect Medical Supplies: Simple medical supplies (found at drug stores) are always needed at the 4th Street Clinic (no medications but first aid items like band-aids, tape, gauze, safety pins, tweezers, rubbing alcohol, distilled water, splints, cotton balls, cotton swabs, petroleum jelly, hand sanitizer, tissues, anitbiotic ointment, aloe vera, cough drops).
• Tour the facility: When dropping off your collected items, the staff is willing to schedule a time to take you on a tour of the clinic and help explain homelessness to you and your children.

YMCA

• Bring the entire family and join the spring clean up party for Camp Roger and Mill Hollow. Have a blast in the outdoors while beautifying the camp for kids who can’t wait to experience summer camp.

Just Serve

• Donate your time to any organization in your area looking for help! JustServe.org matches volunteers with organizations that are looking for help. You can look through the list and find an opportunity in your area that your entire family can be a part of! Such an incredible new resource.

Serve Refugees

• Attend a refugee cultural night: While this is not a service opportunity, it is a great way to expose your children to different cultures and experiences.
• Participate in the Know Your Neighbor Program: This is a great way to get to know the refugees in your area and help them find success in their new area.
• Put on a dinner, carnival, or holiday activity for refugees: More information and details can be found by contacting the organization.
• Donate money, gas cards, and new items needed with each changing season.

Rest Homes and Nursing Homes

• Bring the kids and sing their favorite songs or carol through the halls…no need to wait for a holiday!
• Make cards and paintings for the residents and deliver them to those who don’t get very many visitors.
• Put on a musical performance for the residents. Have your older children play the piano or violin or sing.
• Bring an easy craft to the facility and teach the residents how to make something.
• Adopt a grandparent: Find out who needs consistent visitors and try to visit and get to know them on a regular basis.

The post Great Organizations that Let Your Family Serve Together appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

Holidays at our house are pretty low-key, until December rolls around. I have always been crazy about Christmas. Growing up, it was truly the most magical time of year when our home and life felt incredibly full. With a large extended family close by, there were parties to go to, service projects to complete, meals to share, gifts to exchange, lights to see, concerts to attend and all the other festivities we could pack in. I loved it.

When we moved far away from family, December was so lonely. The open evenings and empty calendar just made me homesick. I wanted my kids to feel that same intense excitement that I felt growing up, so I started all kinds of new family traditions. We did something every day of December and invited friends and neighbors to join in. While it was a ton of work on my part, it was worth it for the smiles and warmth that it brought to our home. It felt like Christmas again.

When we moved closer to family a few years ago, I was thrilled to celebrate the holidays like we had in the past. All of a sudden there were multiple events every night and so many places to be. I didn’t want to let go of our new traditions, so I tried to incorporate them too. It was a delicious whirlwind of cheer.

The next year I did the same, but the novelty had worn off and we were stretched so thin, there was hardly room to enjoy anything. My kids were getting older with lives and obligations of their own, and I found myself exerting serious effort trying to force people to be excited or to make time for “just one more thing.” I was disappointed, stressed out and a very grumpy Mrs. Claus.

Vowing to never have my favorite time of year spoiled by busyness again, we decided to trim our traditions. My husband and I sat down and thought about what things were truly important for us to do with our family during December and we made them a priority. They were planned and penned in on the calendar.

Then, we opened the conversation up so the kids could weigh in. I was a little surprised at which things they could do without, what they loved and what they were hoping to add. I must be honest, it was a relief to delete “Christmas Craft” from my December list.

Then, we simplified where we could. We spent a weekend in a hotel downtown and knocked out all the activities we loved in the center of the city. It was a fabulous family weekend. We cut the fluff out of our other favorites but kept the heart of the traditions intact. It made for a much simpler but still memorable time.

I let go of the idea that everyone had to be at everything, and enjoyed some of the kiddie traditions with my youngest while my older kids were at school or sports. I stopped getting my feelings hurt when friends were more important than drinking hot chocolate with a candy cane on a weekend night, and I shrugged off the guilt when we had to say no to what sounded like a great invitation. I realized that change and flexibility can be a really good thing.

And something happened for me last year. Christmas became magical again. It was still full and exciting, but there were quiet moments too. A morning together discussing the Book of Luke; a free evening to pop in a Christmas movie and an afternoon to buy gifts for dad.

There was time to remember what the holiday is really all about, and I gave myself permission to not only be the orchestrator of the moments, but to be a real part of them. My kids were happy to have me present, they didn’t miss all the extras one bit, and there was a content feeling throughout the month that had been missing for a few years.

It may seem a bit strange, but by trimming my traditions, I got my Christmas back.

This article was originally published in The Deseret News. Image via Adobe Stock.

The post It’s Time to Trim Your Traditions appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

As people have been posting about their New Year’s Resolutions, I noticed a trend. Lots of you want to cook more for your family and successfully menu plan. Hooray for more home-cooked meals in 2018! I grew up with a mom who is a killer cook and we had family dinner almost every weekday night. Because of her example, I try to do the same, though admittedly my dinners are often more simple than hers ever were and sometimes we eat ours in the car on the way to a game or event, but I do cook for my family more often than not.

However, last year I got into a rut. I felt like I was always making the same things, no one would give me suggestions, my kids were only eating a few bites of dinner, and I was so sick of cooking and eating the same food!! At just the right time, my church put on a menu planning class that kick-started my desire to cook again and helped me figure out a new and easy way to put dinner on the table every night. So, I thought I would share. It is simple enough for me (I am not one for complicated, multi-step, fluffy or check list kinds of things), and it has made shopping and dinner so much easier around here!

Simple Meal Planning Steps

Step 1. With your family make a list of all the meals you make. You will be surprised by how many things you actually know how to cook! Here is a look at ours to inspire you…happy to pass along any recipes that look good for your family too!

Step 2. Place those meals on 3 x 5 note cards, or you can make them as pretty as you want and laminate them so they can be used forever.

Step 3. If it is helpful for you, write the recipe and ingredient list on the back of the card to make your shopping and planning even easier. You can even add the side dishes to the back that you like to make with the meal.

Step 4. On Sunday (or a day of the week that works for your family), get the cards out and have your family decide on meals for the week. In our family we choose 3-4 meals each week. I know one night will be leftovers, one night will be something simple like quesadillas or grilled cheese, and we usually go out one night or grab pizza or something. This also gives flexibility for me if I decide I want to cook something different one night.

When we choose meals we try and mix it up, so we have a few parameters. You can’t choose something that was chosen the week before, and mom and dad can veto anything we have eaten too often. We also require variety…we are not eating pasta three days a week and things mom and dad love have to be part of the eating rotation too (curry!). At times I will also also direct the choices by what I know we need to use up. For example, if I have a fridge full of peppers, I will put fajitas on our meals rotation that week. Or, if someone chooses Pot Roast, I will add French Dip Sandwiches to the que because that is how we use up the leftover meat.

I don’t put specific meals on specific days. Our life changes and our schedule is fluid, so I make what works for us that day. If we don’t get through all the meals that week for one reason or another, we roll them on to the next week. Which leads to one caution: make sure the meals you choose work for you. If you know the week is crazy, time intensive meals should not be on the list. If the week requires early prep or crock pot, let your family know! If you don’t make it work for you, it won’t happen for more than a week!

Step 5. Do it. Force yourself to go to the grocery store (or pick up your Clicklist) and do your best to follow the plan. It was amazing how much easier cooking was when I didn’t have to think about WHAT I was going to make for dinner, but it does still require you to plan and cook, so don’t be surprised that this still does take some effort.

A few other tips:

1. Have things on hand that you can use for side dishes if you don’t want to think about it. I always have ingredients for a big salad, veggies to roast or eat raw, fruit to cut up, and a simple homemade bread recipe that can round out any meal. We don’t always have time for side dishes, but it’s nice to have them on hand when I need them or when I know the main course won’t stretch.
2. Know your staples. We always buy certain items at the grocery store that work for breakfast, lunches, and snacks. They are healthy things that I know our family eats and enjoys, so it is easy for me to keep them in stock. I add variety depending on what is in season.
3. You don’t have to eat everything. Some of the dishes I cook (and some of the family favorites) are heartier than the way I like to eat on a regular basis, which is where the sides come in! If I make a dinner that is a little heavier than I like, I eat a small portion of that and fill up on the healthier sides. This allows me the freedom to cook comfort food and stick to a healthy, moderate eating plan. To read more about that, click HERE.
4. Don’t waste your food or your time! Figure out how to make your family eat leftovers. Maybe it is by cooking something once and freezing half, maybe it is waiting a day or two before you pull it out again, maybe it is reinventing the main course (pot roast to french dip sandwiches…teriyaki chicken to stir fry…grilled chicken to BBQ chicken salad). At the very least, share it with someone else if you know you can’t eat it all! If you are throwing away you money and time, you will never stick to meal planning or dinner making.

I hope these tips and tricks make meal planning something you CAN do in 2018! I know a little planning makes dinner so much more enjoyable!

For a few of the recipes we love, click HERE!

The post My Simple Way to Family Meal Plan appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

Instagram is booming. It’s simple to use and fun to keep up with. At face value, it seems incredibly harmless, and maybe even a safe site for kids. It is easy, private, and full of pictures! But, after a few years as an Instagrammer, I have decided that those feelings are fairly naive. Only you know what your children are mature enough to handle, but before you say yes (or even if you already have), here are a few things you need to think about before letting them set up their own Instagram account:

1. 1. Direct Messaging: In the top right corner of the home screen, there is a little mailbox that holds all of your Instagram direct messages. This is where kids can send private pictures and messages to each other instead of posting them for the world to see. Why is this important? This is a hot spot for nude picture exchanges and requests. This is also a place where teens can have some pretty unsavory group conversations and where group bullying can happen. How can you stay aware? Many parents falsely think that as long as they are “following” their son or daughter that they see everything that they are posting, but that is not the case. Many teen exchanges happen through direct messages. You should check these regularly by jumping on their phone or logging into their account. You can also link your account to your child’s account. Go into the settings tab, and press “add account.” By entering the account and password for your child, you can easily switch from your account to his anytime of the day. This makes staying informed much easier. Hopefully there are no surprises.

Being aware, open and honest with your children is incredibly important. There is no magic age for when kids are old enough to use social media, so if you don’t think your child is ready to take on the responsibilities or temptations that come with Instagram, honestly tell them why and remind them that you are protecting them until you feel they are ready to deal with these types of adult situations.

You should absolutely have a high level of trust with your son or daughter and open communication before allowing unlimited apps to be an option. If they are dying to try Instagram, and you feel okay about it, start with a trial run on your phone where you are the password holder. These kids have a lifetime to worry about their online presence, giving them an extra year or two of freedom from that pressure is not the worst thing a parent could do. One day, maybe a long ways down the road, they will thank you for holding out until they were ready for this great big social media world.

To read more about technology, check out these articles:

10 Things I Wish I Would Have Done Before Getting My Child a Smartphone

OurPact: The App Every Parent Needs to Know About

The Dangerous Game Middle Schoolers Need to Stop

9 Things You Need to Know Before You Sign Your Child Up For Instagram

I Love You Too Much to Get You a Phone

I Left My Phone at Home, The Results Were Priceless

The post 6 Things You Need to Know Before Your Child Signs Up for Instagram appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

The other day, my seventh-grade son showed me a text from a girl who is a friend. It said, “On a scale of 1-10, how cute am I?”

Luckily, my relationship with my oldest is pretty tight, and he often shares the little and big things going on in his life. He brought me his phone and said, “Read this, Mom. Seriously, what do I say?”

The post The Dangerous Game Middle Schoolers Need To Stop appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

Being honest is hard, but being honest about important things is the hardest. I’m not talking about the once every six months bare your soul Instagram post about struggling with perfectionism, the funny story about your “naughty” child, or the tell-all photo confession about leaving your dishes all night in your sparkling farmhouse sink. I am talking actual honesty, about things that matter.

In our real lives, the lives that don’t take place in front of or behind a screen, we try, with all the energy of body and soul, to keep up appearances, put on happy faces and sweep everything unpleasant under the rug. It is basically second nature to pretend like everything is always fine. But let me ask, for what?

I am not advocating for a litany of complaints and negativity. We know the world is not served by people who only see or talk about the bad, but real relationships are not built on superficial platitudes and glossy smiles.

What if your friends knew that postpartum depression is a daily nightmare, or that you think your toddler might have autism?

What if your neighbor found out that your heart is broken because, no matter what you try, your daughter is still a mean girl, or that your adult son refuses to come around?

What if you told your extended family that you were having a hard time paying the bills or were really struggling with your faith?

What if you admitted to your teen that you made a parenting mistake or acknowledged that you actually weren’t a perfect parent to your adult children?

What if you told the truth? Not a confession for the world to see, a social media post or a tirade about someone’s else’s problem with you, but shared actual, real struggles with someone close to you who cares. What would happen if you opened your heart?

Do you think the people who supposedly love you would walk away? It shouldn’t be that way. With the right people by your side, honesty will bring you solutions, empathy, real love and friendship. It has happened this way countless times for me.

As a young mom with three little boys, I arrived at our neighborhood park at a complete breaking point. I could have pretended to be a rock star and played duck-duck-goose and pushed toddlers on the swings, but instead I was honest. My friends picked up the pieces of my lackluster motherhood moment and stepped right in, giving me a few minutes of sanity that I desperately needed.

When I have shared questions and weaknesses in my faith with those I worship with, there are no cold shoulders or dropped jaws. Instead there are quiet nods, helpful ideas, and words and examples of encouragement on how I can strengthen myself and find the answers I am looking for. They don’t need me to be a saint who regurgitates rehearsed answers, they love me because we are all imperfect together and are doing our best to figure it all out.

At the end of a gym class last year, my tears were flowing after an especially hard week. A few caring women noticed, and I opened up. I was shocked as they shared their own battles, some so painful my petty problems were put in perspective. They inspired me to carry on with faith. They could have closed themselves off, preferring to remain the peppy, beautiful and strong gym women I always thought they were, but instead they became so much more.

I think we forget that knowledge has the power to change hearts. After learning about a friend’s depression, my capacity for love and patience with her increased, and I stopped expecting more than she could give. When another friend confided in me about her son’s emotional and mental hardships, I was able to see him as a warrior instead of just a really hard kid. It was suddenly easy to become his fan.

If you give the truth a try, I think people will surprise you. There is no shame in struggle. It is what unites us, if we will let it. So, let’s stop trying to power through everything until it is too late. No one should have to wait until they are completely broken before asking for help, love or understanding. Independence is often revered and celebrated, but it is also terribly lonely.

I have often wondered how we can be expected to bear one another’s burdens if no one will share them or how we can mourn with those that mourn if everyone is too guarded to show their sadness. I don’t think God sent us here in families, extended families, communities, congregations and wards so we could walk our most difficult roads alone.

He counts on us to intertwine our needs, our lives and our hearts so we can relieve suffering, share light and become united in him. I have come to understand that it is only through one another that we see the hand of God.

The article was originally published in the Deseret News

The post Can We Just Be Honest? appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

Adobe Image via Deseret News

We started this “kid with a cellphone” journey a few years ago, and I have since found myself pining for pioneer times when families read books by candlelight and bonded over farm chores. Alas, it is 2018, and technology isn’t going anywhere, so we are cautiously embracing it and trying to figure out how to do it right.

We have learned a few things through our first experience and after a lot of trial and error, so I thought I would share what we did right and wrong. If I could do it over again, these guidelines would be put in place well before the first cellphone was ever purchased. Changing rules and expectations as we went along was difficult, and I wish we’d had a clear, agreed upon understanding before we started on this path. So I wrote this in hopes that you might have a smoother first experience than we did.

1. Wait: If you are considering getting your child a smartphone, hold on and give it a little more time. I know, I know, everyone has one except your child (which most likely isn’t true), but there really is no rush. They will have a lifetime to be plugged in, and once you start, it is hard to go back. Make sure there is a real need and a decent amount of maturity before you rush into purchasing a smart anything.
2. Start slowly: Begin with a flip phone. This is not the most socially acceptable option, but remember it is your money, your phone contract and your home. A flip phone is a great way to test the waters. You will have to spend more money than you want to on it, but I promise it is worth it. The one we purchased has a slide out keyboard and receives group messages, which is a big bonus in this text-heavy world. Starting with this type of phone helps kids understand what a phone is actually for: communication. It gives you a chance to teach phone etiquette — when a phone should be used and when it should be put away; how to answer and make a phone call; how and when to text; and the expectation that you always get back to your parents right away. As a bonus, when was the last time you heard a disturbing story of a teen with a flip phone?
3. Get a filter: Do not give your child a smartphone without purchasing a filter. Our favorite is OurPact, an app that allows me to monitor the amount of time my child spends on his phone, restrict certain apps, set bedtimes and other schedules, filter adult content on browsers and block all usage from my cellphone. Seven dollars per month monitors up to 20 devices and is money well spent. This has been the biggest game-changer for us. If that price is too steep, they have other less expensive options that are better than nothing. If you don’t go this direction and your child has an iPhone, you can do great things under the restrictions tab, so set that up immediately with a good passcode. Verizon also offers a family plan for $5 per month that offers some important parental controls, as do other providers. Be especially vigilant when it comes to internet browsers and YouTube. In my opinion, if you can’t afford a filter that helps with content and time usage, you shouldn’t purchase a smartphone for your teen. If you think your kid is the exception, your head is in the sand. Even the very best tweens and teens need limits.
4. Block downloads: Set the phone up so you have to approve each app that is downloaded, even the free ones. This allows you a chance to look into what is going on the phone and to monitor the apps that are being used. This also opens up conversation between you and your teen and gives you a chance to research apps before you OK them for your child. Do your homework before approving.
5. Set a phone schedule: Phones, tablets and iPads should not be available for access 24/7. I believe in boredom, in learning without distractions, in family time and in face-to-face interaction. For all these things to happen, electronics have to be put away at times (adults too!). This was a hard one to backtrack on, but it is possible. We like to turn all the gaming and social media apps off during school, put phones away during homework time and dinner, set overall time limits and put phones to bed at night where they can’t disturb sleep. This plan also allows us to check the phone when we feel like we need to. We will glance at texts and direct messages and have a discussion the next day if there is anything we are worried about.
6. Know the codes: Again, you are the parent, so you should always know the access codes. Ask for each device every once in a while randomly, before anything can be erased, and check in on things. This can give you great insight into the world of your teen and allow you the opportunity to help them if help is needed. If you find something you don’t like or something that surprises or disappoints you, try to calmly converse with your child about expectations, improvement and change. Show love and work on solutions together.
7. Have a serious conversation and have it again and again. Kids need to understand that everything they say, do or send online can be seen forever. Nothing they say is a secret or disappears. Every video they record remains forever. No one should post 100 selfies. Share a few scary stories about sexting, violent threats and online bullying … you can find them just about anywhere. Make hard rules about who can follow them and be sure their accounts are private. Remind them to use their influence for good when it comes to their phone. Don’t say anything online you wouldn’t say in person. Be kind, be smart, uplift.
8. Start social media slowly or not at all. If you can avoid social media, do it. If you can’t for some reason, take it very slowly. Let them set up a profile on your phone, but you should be the only one who knows the password so you have to log them in. Allow them to get on social media when you are around and can help monitor. Set a reasonable time limit for being online. Follow your son or daughter on all platforms and log in to their account to make sure everything is going well (posts, direct messages, disappearing photos, group chats). Decide together who they can follow and who can follow them. Warn them about what they might see or encounter because of social media: not being included, inappropriate photos from others, requests for nude photos, bullying, feeling worthless because of lack of likes or comments, jealousy, rating games, even depression. These feelings are real and should be talked about openly. Encourage them to evaluate how they feel often, being honest with themselves and with you. If social media is bringing them down, help them take a break or stop.
9. Set up direct consequences for misuse. I know there are experts who say you should not use a phone as a bargaining tool, but I disagree. At our house, when homework is not getting done, when time is being wasted, when kids are not responsive, it is most often because of an electronic device, so it makes absolute sense to me to eliminate that device if it is the reason things are off kilter. When grades are good, family engagement is high, physical activity is happening and chores are completed, a phone is fine in moderation. If you really feel like you can’t take the phone away, at the very least remove all of the time-wasting apps until situations and attitudes improve.
10. Take a break. Every now and then, it is good for the brain, heart and soul to take a real break from the phone to prove that it is possible to live life without being attached to a device. It is refreshing and empowering for them to realize how much time they spend on their phone and the distraction that it can be. If you dare, join them in this. Even a day or two provides a great detox and a wonderful restart. Every time we do this, perspective is brought back into our daily life and our kids realize how nice life is unplugged.

We were far from perfect the first time around, and I am sure we will have plenty of mess-ups with the next three, but these guidelines have drastically changed the way we use technology in our home and made it a much more peaceful and sane experience.

I have heard it said hundreds of times, “Phones are here to stay, so our kids need to learn how to use them.” And while I absolutely agree with that statement, unregulated, unmonitored use of technology isn’t teaching them anything. As parents, we have the burden and privilege of guiding and helping them figure out how to use technology in moderation and to their advantage without letting go of the beauty that is real, screen-free life. If you think it is too late, it’s not. Now that you know better, do better. For us, these 10 tips have been a giant step in the right direction.

For more on this topic, visit:

OurPact: The App Every Parent Should Know

The Dangerous Game Middle Schoolers Need to Stop

9 Things You Need To Know Before Your Child Signs Up for Instagram

I Love You Too Much to Get You a Phone

The post 10 Things I Wish I Would Have Done Before Getting My Child A Smartphone appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

My mom has a little curve on the tip of her nose that she affectionately calls, “The Cullimore Hook.” She also has wrinkles on her face, a flat chest, a great smile and incredible legs. She is capable, kind, smart, low-maintenance and beautiful.

In today’s world, full of over-processed, over-done, over-glammed out women, I will be forever grateful that I was raised by a mother who has always been too busy with important things to scrutinize every inch of her body, to obsess about fine lines, to turn herself into something she isn’t.

For her, low-maintenance has never been Birkenstocks, dreadlocks and pajamas all day. In fact, long before gym-rats and cross-fit, my mom was up at 5:30 am attending an exercise class. She was home, showered and ready for the day often before we were even out of bed. She wore classic clothes and simple make-up with different haircuts throughout the years, some definitely better than others.

I remember, as a teenager, wondering why she didn’t reapply her face more often or get her nails done. I thought it was crazy that she mostly wore flats and had never had a massage or pedicure. She used Suave shampoo and hair spray, Clinique foundation, and drugstore mascara. She didn’t get things lifted, enhanced, or lasered. I have always had a healthy expectation of what a real woman’s body should look like because of her.

We shopped together at inexpensive stores where she she taught me how to dress for my body, look for items that were stylish but on sale, and to buy only clothes I was sure I would wear. Brands didn’t matter and clothes were fun but never used as a status symbol. Our outings were enjoyable but not excessive.

I watched her, at times, put a lot of effort into what she looked like…an extra coat of mascara, hot rollers in her hair, or a fantastic new dress and heels, but that kind of time and energy on herself was reserved for special occasions.

Beauty was never a main topic of conversation around our house. It was assumed that we would look put together, situationally appropriate, and take care of ourselves, but there was no expectation to be beautiful. After all, beauty is capricious, subjective, and fleeting, and my mom understood that.

Dinner table talk revolved around what we were doing and accomplishing, who we were helping, what we were struggling with, and what was happening in the world, not what we looked like. We didn’t bond over manicures and beauty tips but grew incredibly close as she assisted us in becoming our best spiritual, academic, and emotional selves.

Today, as a very financially stable woman in her 50s, she is just as grounded. No eyelash or hair extensions, Botox or tummy tucks, and she smiles for pictures when she is in her pajamas and without make-up.

Yes, she has started getting her eyebrows waxed, coloring her hair, using nicer shampoo, and I’m pretty sure her clothes are no longer from Mervyn’s, but she is still just the same. She does not define herself by what she looks like or if people think she is 10 years younger than her true age. She defines herself by what she gives.

I had no idea what an impact her little choices and quiet example to be her best natural self would have on me as I became an adult. When budgets were tight, our funds weren’t siphoned towards spa appointments or $30 shampoo. In the early years of our marriage, I didn’t have to set aside money for the Nordstrom sale or for high end shoes. I have always been good at “making do” with what I had or finding a great, new shirt for under $20 that made me smile.

I have varicose veins that scare children, love handles I can’t help but pinch, stretch marks like cat scratches, and plenty of wrinkles already, but it’s all okay because my mom taught me something much more valuable than how to accessorize.

She taught me that being less than perfect is perfectly okay. She taught me that taking care of my body is worth it, but that moderation is necessary. She showed  me that the fountain of youth is not found in a bottle or needle, but in a childlike heart and caring nature.

She taught me that real beauty is having a life purpose that allows you to brush aside the unimportant. She encouraged me to be anxiously engaged in causes that fulfill me so I don’t have to search for happiness in places I won’t find it. She taught me that a new outfit can be a great pick-me-up, but nothing takes you higher than knowing you are right with God.

It’s hard to ever measure up to your mom. In fact, there may come a day when I laser those pesky varicose veins or iron out my wrinkly skin. My eyes never open at 5:30 am, and I have a hard time leaving the house without a fresh coat of lipstick, but because of her, I know that smooth legs, a youthful face and pink lips have nothing to do with who I really am. What defines me is how I love, who I serve, and what I create with this precious body and little time I am given.

My mom isn’t perfect, but she has always been perfect for me. Her sweet example, deliberate focus, constant push and unconditional love taught me that being comfortable in my own skin will consistently be my biggest asset and that I have always been just right, just the way I am.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

This post was originally published on my previous blog, Mom Explores Michigan

The post The Blessings of Being Raised by a Low-Maintenance Mother appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

Dear Mothers of Today,

Let us start by saying we are in awe of you. Being a mother now seems so much more difficult than it was when we were mothers. We didn’t have technology to monitor or social media to worry about, neighborhoods and parks were safe places to wander, allergies were rare, extra-curricular choices were limited and life seemed to move a little more slowly. We watch you juggle so many things and are so proud of the way you seem to do it all.

We love the way you keep yourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy by refueling through exercise, date nights, personal interests, and professional counseling. These habits allow you to better manage the stresses of motherhood with a smile. You are so good at involving husbands and fathers in childrearing, and it is a wonderful thing to see you work together as a partnership.

You pass on this healthy and active mindset to your children. We watch our grandbabies eat avocados and peppers for breakfast and our grandkids chomp on salmon and sweet potatoes for dinner. This is a far cry from the Pop-Tarts and Cheetos of the past. You spend your Saturdays on bike rides, hiking and exploring the world together, and mom is always part of the fun. This makes us smile.

You inspire us as you serve in your communities, churches and the world at large. We see you take on roles that stretch you far beyond what you imagined you were capable of, yet you do it so well. You let your children be a part of this service, and they learn selfless values from you. They are focusing on giving and showing love to everyone at such young ages, and we think it is phenomenal.

We are thrilled by your focus on learning. Regardless of your educational status, mothers today study, read, learn and increase their talents. This desire to know, grow and improve is passed on to your children by example and is a gift for which they will forever be grateful.

They will also be thankful that you loved them enough to talk openly about the hard but important things. We watch in amazement as you handle topics in real time that were often too uncomfortable or taboo for us to talk frankly and honestly about. You discuss sex, drugs, death, suicide, pornography, politics, faith and religion with your little ones in age appropriate ways and answer questions without judgment. We know it can’t be easy and we salute you for doing it anyway.

Perhaps the thing we are most impressed by is the way so many of you love motherhood. Sometimes we, as older mothers, are a little critical of young mothers because they don’t do things the same way we did and don’t feel “guilty” like we used to. You are less constrained by the norms and feel no need to be a martyr. This allows you to truly enjoy what you do.

You get down and play with your kids; you don’t stay inside doing dishes while the rest of the family heads to the park; you play loud music and dance; you stay up late for meteor showers; and you are OK making a mess and cleaning it up much later with everyone’s help. I think your kids know you love being a mom, and I’m not sure ours always did. You are better at understanding what matters most and living that way. There is nothing more fulfilling than watching that kind of mother raise our grandchildren.

Because we are moms, we also want to caution you about a few things our older perspective has allowed us to see.

Do not compare yourselves online or in person with others. Social media sets a stealthy trap that is so easy to fall into. Remember you and your children each have a unique path only you can walk and spiritual gifts that are solely yours, be secure in that.

Please watch the time your family spends with technology. These kids are plugged in so often and are missing out on life experiences because of it. The same thing is happening with parents (and grandparents!). Take some technology breaks, keep some of your life private, look up and out more often and make a point to truly connect. We think this is a battle worth fighting.

We love the way you help your children develop their talents, but make sure there is still time to play and be kids. Children should have time to be creative, hang out with friends, take family vacations, attend church events and explore less structured interests. Be sensitive to different personalities and needs. What is good for one child can be harmful to the next, so don’t let coaches or programs dictate your life to you. Be flexible and open to what is best for your children on an individual basis.

We wish more of you would eat together. Our favorite memories were made around the dinner table. The food doesn’t matter, but there is such safety and security when children see their families eat, talk and laugh together each day. These daily moments of learning to trust, share and communicate are invaluable.

Our last request is to ask you to take a step back. We know you love those little ones, and so do we, but because you love them, give them space. Let them take responsibility for their own actions and reap natural consequences at a young age. Don’t fight their battles. Expect them to work hard and contribute. Allow them to fail, and then let them feel the joy that comes from owning a problem and solution all on their own.

We know that nothing about motherhood is easy, but you are doing it so well. Hold on to your sense of humor and laugh at yourself every now and then. Keep faking interest in Pokémon and knock-knock jokes and lip gloss and tween heartthrobs. Keep kissing owies and waking up all night and rocking sick babies. Keep listening when they are ready to talk, even if it is long after you wanted to go to bed. Keep loving them when they are unlovable and forgiving them when they have hurt you, so they will always know they have somewhere to turn.

Keep showing your kids how to enjoy and love life, even during the hard times. Assume the best in people and intentions. Pick your battles and let the little and unimportant things go. Be who you hope your children will become; they are always watching and want to be just like you. Say yes whenever you can, but know when to say no. Be your children’s advocate and celebrate their uniqueness. Don’t be afraid to ask for help; you were never meant to do this all on your own. Don’t worry so much. Have faith that things will work out for the best, because in our experience, in the long run, they usually do.

We are cheering for you. We are praying for you. We love you. Mothers of today, you’ve got this.

All our love,

Yesterday’s Moms

**Author’s Note: This article was compiled from from interviews with 8 incredible mothers who have raised their children. I then wove their thoughts and advice into a piece for the mothers of today. Original article was published in the Deseret News.

The post A Love Letter from Yesterday’s Moms to the Mothers of Today appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

Summer and I have a love/hate relationship, but this year, I am ready to make it a great one. I am excited to spend some quality time with my kids and really engage with them, all of a sudden life is moving way too fast!

We have a bucket list of things planned, but we will have plenty of time at home too, and in order to keep the electronics in check, I like to have an “I’m Bored” list. If they are ever feeling bored or like the only option is TV or an XBOX, they can take a look at this list and get an idea for something better.

I have also cut these ideas into strips and put them in a jar so they can draw one if they ever say, “I’m bored!” That saying becomes a bit risky when you have the jar because you might pull out something fun or something not so fun. They will often quickly figure out something to do on their own. I have linked some of the items to articles that explain them a bit more or to products that we have loved that help us get through the summer with a balance of learning, creativity, and fun!

Add your ideas in the comments…I love to hear how other families make the most out of summertime!

1. Read (booklist for all grades HERE, booklist for 4th-12th HERE)
2.  Read a book to a sibling
3. Write a story, see prompts HERE
4. Learn to draw an animal or monster, THIS book is awesome for all ages
5. Create something cool from the stuff in the recycle bin and a glue gun
6. Write a letter to a grandparent
7. Write a letter to a missionary
8. Write a letter to your favorite teacher
9. Paint with watercolors
10. Paint with fingerpaint
11. Do sidewalk chalk
12. Create a treasure hunt for the little kids
13. Baby-sit a sibling $
14. Wash the car inside and out $
15. Bake cookies
16. Plan the menu for the week
17. Fill up the baby pool and play in the water
18. Run through the sprinklers
19. Put a sprinkler under the tramp and jump on it
20. Weed $
21. Play kickball or wiffleball
22. Work on your favorite sport (love THIS solo soccer trainer and THESE goals)
23. Get a soccer, basketball or flag football game going (love THESE flags)
24. Call a friend
25. Play hide and seek or sardines
26. Play tag
27. Play board games (LIFE, Monopoly, Sorry)
28. Play a card game (Uno, Wackee 6, Solitaire, Set,  Krypto)
29. Play a dice game (Yahtzee, Tenzi)
30. Make up your own game
31. Shoot a bow and arrow (THIS one is our favorite)
32. Perfect the slackline (THIS one has been great)
33. Play 4-square
34. Play bocce ball, bean bag toss, or spikeball
35. Make up a dance
36. Make up a song
37. Sing Karaoke
38. Make up a play
39. Listen to music
40. Play M.A.S.H.
41. Make friendship bracelets
42. Make rubberband bracelets (starter kit HERE)
43. Play with Snap Circuits (starter kit HERE)
44. Play with Legos
45. Iron $
46. Plan the next family outing
47. Plan the next family trip
48. Research a famous person from history and tell us all about him or her
49. Play Laser Tag (awesome set HERE)
50. Have an indoor basketball contest (greatest indoor hoop ever HERE)
51. Hide a stuffed animal and play “hot” cold”
52. Have an Easter Egg hunt
53. Find your 10 favorite inspirationsal quotes, print them out and put them in your room
54. Get ideas for desigining your own room
55. Clean out the toy room $
56. Donate all your old clothes and toys
57. Organize the pantry $
58. Play with bubbles
59. Make your own bubbles and wands (best bubbles HERE)
60. Make Harry Potter wands (super easy craft idea HERE)
61. Make stress balls
62. Ride bikes or rollerblade
63. Try to Catch bugs, frogs or snakes
64. Make an ant maze
65. Research the craziest animal and tell us all about it
66. Do family history
67. Water the garden
68. Have a water fight
69. See who can make the ugliest face in a picture
70. Go on a nature scavenger hunt
71. Try Geo-caching
72. Build something with wood, hammer and nails
73. Jumprope
74. Organize your books
75. Play wall ball
76. Look through old photo albums or Chatbooks
77. Write a rhyming poem
78. Paint rocks for the garden
79. Do Spin Art (options HERE)
80. Make leaf rubs
81. Make a piece of jewelry
82. Pick veggies from the garden
83. Have a paper airplane contest
84. Do Origami
85. Learn a magic trick (book of simple ones HERE)
86. Tell jokes
87. Build a fort
88. Use the Straw Builderz
89. Make a marble run
90. Grow Crystals (good kit HERE)
91. Play in the hammock
92. Make a set of markers (loved THESE)
93. Make and play with play-doh
94. Build with Kinetic Sand, less mess and lots of fun (starter pack HERE)
95. Make slime
96. Learn some yo-yo tricks (we really love THIS one)
97. Do a puzzle
98. Have a Nerf War
99. Do your workbook (THIS brand is awesome)
100. Put together a tinker crate (an awesome summer activity HERE)
101. Learn all the states
102. Collect quarters for your State Quarter map (love THIS one)
103. Complete a Paint by Sticker (Our favorite is THIS one)
104. Think of something you would love to invent and draw it
105. Pick flowers and bring them to someone who needs a pick-me-up
106. Do a secret service for someone in your home
107. Do a secret service for someone outside your home
108. Run a mile
109. See what you can knock down with a catapult (awesome one HERE)
110. Make a movie
111. Design your dream house
112. See how many push up and sit ups you can do, and do one more each day
113. Work on Scout stuff
114. Create the perfect smoothie and write the recipe down
115. Collect snails
116. Write nice things on sticky notes, and stick them to neighbors or friends doors
117. Walk a dog (borrow one if you need to)
118. Create an obstacle course and time each other
119. Create something with Zoob Builders
120. Predict the top 10 college football and basketball teams for next year
121. Learn to tie a tie
122. Learn to tie your shoes
123. Make something with Pearler beads
124. Play with remote control cars
125. Paint each other’s faces
126. Complete a word search or crossword puzzle
127. Make a photo montage video
128. Practice Keyboarding
129. Play an instrument
130. Make a homemade instrument and make a band
131. Use sidewalk chalk to draw roads and buildings and play with the hot wheels cars
132. Use ice like water crayons
133. Finish a Sudoku or Colorku (awesome, thoughtful game HERE)
134. Do a search and find book or Where’s Waldo

The post 100+ Ways to Fight I’m Bored this Summer appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.

Maybe they were new, had a rough teacher, got in trouble, were put in the lowest reading group. Maybe they couldn’t remember a math fact, sat alone at lunch or got picked last at recess.

Maybe they are weird or slow or shy or awkward. Maybe they wore the wrong clothes or old shoes or got a bad haircut a few days ago that couldn’t be fixed. Maybe they just always struggle.

Maybe they couldn’t find their classes or felt invisible. Maybe they didn’t feel excited but instead overwhelmed, unsure, anxious or inadequate.

Maybe they are working through death, sickness, mental illness or divorce and barely have energy to get by.

Maybe their friends dropped them over the summer or they chose to go separate ways. Maybe they were the butt of jokes, walked through the halls alone, didn’t make the team, or felt rejected at every turn. Maybe it’s even their own fault.

I don’t have answers or advice or a “how to” on making it all better, but you should know you are not alone, they are not alone. Every kid doesn’t ROCK the first day/week/year of school.

Our problems and disappointments are different, but all our mama hearts ache when any of these things happen to the little and sometimes big people we love unconditionally. So many of us hold our breath every morning and pray all day for something good to happen, for someone to notice, for kids to just be kind.

Cerebrally we know it is building resilience, refining them and teaching them empathy and crucial life lessons that will create better people in the long run. We know others have it harder, and that our kids really are okay, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

So if the first week of school hasn’t been the best ever and you’re not sure when things will improve; if you find your heart breaking every day; if you were unprepared for how much it hurts to watch your child suffer, take comfort in knowing that thousands of mothers are feeling those same things.

You are not crying or worrying alone. We are in this together. We are all praying for our babies and hoping we do and say the right thing without making it all worse. We know they will rise and come out on the other side with scars that deepen their humanity and with a voice that can change their corner of the world.

So keep loving, keep caring, keep hoping. Show a little extra kindness to everyone you meet. It will get better. And remember, you are Never Alone.

The post What If Your Kids Didn’t Have a Great First Day of School? appeared first on Brooke Romney Writes.