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Steps to Changing the Cell Phone Policy in Your School

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As research continues to roll in, it is becoming more and more obvious that cell phones and other personal electronic devices are stealing learning and social and emotional well being from our children during the hours that are supposed to be filled with education.

It takes active parents, administrators, and communities who are willing to change that status quo and what is cool and comfortable in exchange for the betterment of our kids.

Recently, I received a screen shot with an announcement from the Principal at Indian Hills Middle School. This is what was published in their bulletin:

“We have all been informed about the growing information about the adverse effects of too much screen time for our kids. Here at Indian Hills we are taking that message to heart and have asked for your support at home. We are strictly enforcing the district cell phone policy to ensure our students have as much academically focused time as possible.

“As a school we have been committed to providing the necessary technology for our classroom teachers in the form of Chromebooks and headphones. Cell phones are not a part of our educational day and may only be used during lunchtime and class breaks. Headphones/earbuds are only allowed during lunchtime, and only one ear may be obstructed at any time. If you are a parent who frequently communicates with your student through their cell phone, please remember that you may contact the main office to get a message to your student.

“As we continue to gain more information on the impact phones, social media and other less-regulated communication methods are having on our educational setting, please be assured we will look for ways to minimize the adverse effects technology is having on our students.”

HOORAY for smart, innovative, and action driven educators who are willing to stand up and do something! When I asked how this happened, my friend said, “It was as simple as mentioning it in one PTSA meeting, having lots of support from other parents and giving the principal excerpts from articles.” Parents, this is something you CAN help make happen.

Below you will find a few short tips for advocating for change and links to articles that will help you in your efforts. If you have any questions, problems, or successes please share them with us in the comments!

A few important points before you get started:

  • Come at things from an EDUCATION angle and use DATA. These things are impossible to refute. Emotions, religious convictions and feelings are easy for administrators to brush under the rug. It wasn’t until I started showing how phones were hindering education that I got a real response.

  • Get a team. It is easy to ignore one parent, but it is difficult to ignore 50. Find other like minded parents and come at this situation together.
  • Do NOT be anti-technology. This frightens public educators, as so much of their money has been put into technology and it really is the future in so many ways. Remind them how much you love actual technology that is used for education. There is a HUGE difference between technology and cell phones.

  • The most important part of all of this is that there is a SCHOOL WIDE, ENFORCEABLE policy. You might be surprised to find that your school actually has a policy on the books, but they don’t enforce it. If they don’t have one, help craft one that works and will be ENFORCED in a detailed and consistent way. Kids needs consistency. Teachers need a rule they MUST follow so they aren’t just the bad guy or the lame teacher. At one school, the first time it is seen during class, it is put in the teacher’s lock box and given back at the end of class, the second time it is taken to the office and can be picked up at the end of the day. The third time, the parent must pick it up. The fourth time there is detention or suspension.
  • If administration seems skeptical about being able to enforce this, remind them of what they have been able to enforce in the past (no backpacks in classrooms, no hats, dress code, PDA, fighting, one point of entry etc.) Schools have a lot of power and they should use it to make education better in their schools. Get teachers on board. It is happening all over and working!

If you need more support or your administration won’t get on board, try the following avenues:

  • Meet with the PTA, see if they will support your efforts

  • Meet with the Community Council and present your research

  • Talk with teachers who are struggling because of the distractions, see if they would be willing to share their story

  • Talk with counselors at the school, see if they have insight

  • Start a petition in your area and show how much support you have…there is strength in numbers and they can’t ignore 100 parents like they can ignore 1
  • Meet with the school board, see if you have support there

  • Talk with other schools or principals that have enacted change and see how it is working for them

RESEARCH THAT WILL HELP YOUR CAUSE

Washington Post: US Students Need a Cell Phone Detox (This article specifically outlines WHY we need a change)

French Schools Ban Cell Phones (Lots of good reasons why France banned cell phones)

The Results of the French Cell Phone Ban (hint: it’s all good)

Test Scores Rise After Cell Phones Banned From Schools (can’t refute this)

Positive Results after Phones are Banned from Schools (more data)

What Happens when Yondr Pouches Lock Cell Phones During the Day

More Results of Taking Phones out of Classrooms

Phones Are an Epidemic in our Schools (how much education time is being lost because of cell phones)

How Cell Phones Hijack Our Minds

Even Having a Cell Phone Within Reach Ruins Concentration

Science Daily Article About How Cell Phones Reduce Brain Power

Why Social Media Is Not Smart for Middle School Kids

Screens in Schools Are a Hoax

What Screen Time Can Really Do to Kids’ Brains

The Tech Industry’s War on Kids

Glow Kids (read the chapter about cell phones in schools, it will blow your mind)

Save the Kids (Collin Kartchner’s fantastic movement, have him come speak to your school!)

OTHER IDEAS

Our school has adopted these pockets in every classroom (LINK HERE)

They seem to be working really well so far. There has been a marked difference in the learning environment and the amount of time teachers are policing cell phones. A mom told me her daughter used to come home from school and have to charge her cell phone right away, now it is at 80% when she comes home! That’s a great thing.

A few things you should know about this solution:

  • It really only works if it is a school policy and ALL the teachers do it. Freedom for different situations or using it as a suggestion makes it so much less effective.

  • There must be tough consequences if phones are not put in pockets and they are detected. You MUST have an administration and teachers who are serious and clear about the consequences of not following the policy.

  • The most effective classrooms use these as a way to take roll. If you don’t have a phone, your parent has to email the teacher and a card is placed in your slot instead. This ensures the phones are in there. I like this because phones are out of reach, they can’t feel the vibrations of notifications (which hinder learning and concentration)  and it is easy and inexpensive ($15 each).

  • This way, cell phones are still accessible if teachers would like the class to use them for a specific educational reason. This is a good/bad. It is great if a classroom really does use them for education purposes every once in awhile but bad because the policy can be abused so easily which makes the pockets much less effective.

  • It is a nice baby step. Students can still check messages in between classes and at lunch. This is a downside for me (social interaction) but may be a positive in selling it to skeptical parents and teachers.

  • The biggest downside is that cell phones are just open. They are expensive and they run the risk of being stolen (which did happen at a friend’s school)…depending on your area it may not be a viable option. To combat this, there would have to be some protocol. I would suggest hanging the pockets in an area that is visible to the teacher and students at all times, not near the door. I would also suggest that they take the last 2 minutes of class and have everyone retrieve their cell phones before the bell rings. That way, if anyone has stolen one, it will still be in the classroom and can be found. For those that claim teaching time would be lost, you can assure them that regulating cell phones takes much longer than 2 minutes during a class period.

  • For those who would prefer a locking option or who teach in a more difficult area, you could use a lock box like this (LINK). This has been used in multiple classrooms and does work, though it is less organized and may be harder to give them back at the end of class.

  • If teachers are worried about being responsible for them, an attorney suggested having a document everyone signs at registration that basically says something like, “I understand my child is not required to bring a personal electronic device to school. If he or she chooses to bring it, it must be used according to the school cell phone policy. The school is not responsible for lost or stolen items.”

  • Yondr is also a great option that has been used in many schools. The problem with this option is that it is a bit more time consuming and costly. However, they do work with schools on price and depending on your area a grant might be an option.

Please let me know if you have any questions, concerns, additional research, problems or successes. I would love to see what schools and districts do to make this happen and why they are fighting against it! We are stronger together.

Lots of love and luck!

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US Students Need a Cell Phone Detox

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This article was originally published in The Washington Post 

Image via The Washington Post

French students are about to get a much-needed detox from their cellphones now that the government has banned them during school for kids 15 and under. When will our educational system follow France’s lead?

Sadly, most schools in the United States are turning a blind eye to a looming public health crisis. What are we waiting for? A tragedy? Ten years of data? A lost generation? Not on my watch. These are my children, their peers and their friends. As a parent, I will not allow them to be guinea pigs or data points. We have to do something.

In the beginning, I did my best to embrace phone technology; after all, it is the future. I tried to let go and be open-minded, but I found myself in an education nightmare.

While some teachers are able to control cellphones in their classrooms with a variety of innovative ideas and consequences, many either cannot or will not. Enforcing phone restrictions eats into precious class time, so some tired teachers have instead begged for 20 phone-free minutes, rewarding students with unregulated “work” time for the rest of the period. Cellphones make wonderful babysitters.

Others have flocked to a disturbing “govern yourself” policy. Instead of fighting phones, they give students the freedom to choose: Put them away and learn, or keep them out and do poorly. Imagine a typical middle school boy. Will rocks and minerals capture his attention or Fortnite on his phone? You don’t have to get too deep into brain research to know that he will often make the wrong choice.

So what are we left with? Lower test scores. Struggling students. Brilliant screens dulling our children’s learning, discussion and creativity.

And that’s just scratching the surface. Phones are taking an astronomical toll on the social, mental and emotional health of our students. Bullying during school has shifted online. Boys meet in the bathroom to look at porn, and girls scroll through events they weren’t invited to and cut themselves to dull the pain. Kids are airdropping nude photos during class. No wonder there is little brain capacity left for a five-paragraph essay.

Lunchrooms are strangely quiet as kids play online games or pass around gossip-worthy photos, and we wonder why kids are suffering from depression and anxiety like never before. They will never get these years back.

At my kids’ school, I have begged for a real, enforceable phone policy for the past two years. What about an over-the-door shoe pouch where phones are held during class time? How about a zero-tolerance policy where phones are taken if they are seen or heard and can be retrieved at the end of the day? I came armed with research, ideas and anecdotes, but there was always someone who could find a reason it wouldn’t work. No one was brave enough to try.

I am not sure what everyone is so afraid of. Parents could still get a hold of children if there is an emergency. Office phones are alive and well. School-owned computers and tablets can teach students how to use technology in ways that are actually educational. They will not fall behind the curve if they don’t master Instagram or Game Pigeon.

Because nothing was being done on a schoolwide level, I took matters into my own hands, purchasing a flip phone for my seventh-grader and installing an app that allows me to shut off my ninth-grader’s phone during school time. Looking back on the year, they were both grateful for a less distracted opportunity to learn.

But not every parent can or will regulate like this, so we must have policy. Public education exists to give every student a fair opportunity to learn, regardless of background, socioeconomic status or family situation, and phones — not politicians or lack of funding — are stealthily stripping that opportunity away. It’s time to take a stand.

School administrators everywhere must enact real, enforceable cellphone policies, now, that take phones out of classrooms and put education back in. They are responsible for the learning that does or does not take place during the seven hours students are in school and have the power to change this destructive environment. Teachers need administrative leadership and support, and our children need a fighting chance to excel in this oversaturated world. We cannot wait one year longer. Our children deserve more.

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College and Scholarship Essay Assistance

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There is nothing I love more than helping people tell their story! College applications can be especially stressful and full of uncertainty, but a strong essay that conveys growth, passion, and excellence can make a real difference come acceptance and scholarship time.

I know that writing is not everyone’s best subject, so if you are stuck in your essay process, let me help walk you through it. Here is how it will go:

  1. Send an email to brookeoromney@gmail.com (don’t forget the o) with your name, the school you are applying to, the essay prompt, word count, and due date. Please write COLLEGE ESSAY in the subject line.
  2. Once I have replied, please share your rough draft to the same email address through Google Documents, make sure the “can edit” option is checked. Please note that I absolutely believe in integrity, so I will not write your essay for you. I would like you to send me your best rough draft effort but please don’t worry about it being perfect. Feel free to include any specific questions or concerns you have.
  3. I will send you a marked up copy using Google edits. I will offer suggestions, questions and revisions regarding thesis, voice, organization, and adherence to the prompt that will allow you to revise your essay into something that is much stronger and more cohesive. Let me emphasize, I will NOT write your essay, but I will provide valuable feedback so YOU can tell a compelling story.
  4. I will send it back to you and you can rewrite it from my changes. You can send it back to me, and I will do another quick edit for you to make sure it is on the right track.

The cost for this service is a $50 flat fee payable through Venmo. Each additional draft is $25. If you are stumped and would like a phone conversation to brainstorm ideas, that is also an option for $25. Feel free to email me with any questions, and I would love it if you would pass this information along. I can’t wait to work with you!

*This is the cost for an average college essay word count which is generally between 500-600 words. If your essays are drastically different from that, contact me and we can work something out!

 

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Teen Talk Tuesday: Sketchy Images

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There is nothing more important in our relationships with our teenagers than having open communication. When I had younger kids, I thought this would be so easy for me…I’m such a talker! In reality, it’s a lot harder than I thought it would be! Now that I am on my almost third teenage boy, I thought I would pass along some conversations and prompts that might be helpful for you.

Every Tuesday, I will be sharing a conversation, a conversation starter, or questions to get you talking with your teens about the important stuff. Sometimes they will be practical, like today. Other times, they might be about current events that help them engage with the world and think about issues bigger than themselves (which is so important for all of us!!). Here is today’s, which happened a few days ago in the car.

M: Hey, when was the last time you saw or heard something that made you uncomfortable?

T: What do you mean?

M: You know, an image, video or a joke or a conversation that didn’t feel quite right.

T: Oh. A few weeks ago I was searching for something at school on Google and I clicked on images because I thought it would be helpful. There was some stuff there that wasn’t good.

M: Oh yeah. That happened to me too the other day! (normalize it for them!!) Images can be so sketchy no matter what I am looking for. So, what did you do?

T: I just closed it out and did a regular search, which was fine. I’m not going to click on images anymore.

M: I’m glad you felt strong enough to do that. Did it make you curious or did you feel like you wanted to see more stuff like that?

T: No, not at all. It was just weird.

M: Okay. I know when I was a teenager, some things were weird but I was still curious about them. You know if you are ever interested, confused or curious that you can come to me and we can talk about it. Right?

T: Yeah, I know.

M: You know Google is not the place to go, especially if you have questions about your body or sex or things like that because you will probably get way more than you were planning on?

T: Yeah.

M: You are awesome.

These conversations always start out a little bit awkward, but they are worth it! Keep talking to your kids! Let them know you are there and that you love them and that the feelings and thoughts they have are NORMAL! It might be hard, but I know it is worth it. 

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Teen Talk Tuesday: Voting/Elections

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One of my goals with Teen Talk Tuesday is to raise a generation that feels comfortable talking about real issues, who isn’t afraid to hear what the other side has to say, and is willing to speak their mind in a respectful way. I think this type of dialogue starts at home, so I hope these ideas and questions spur something in your own mind and in your own family. And just a note, my 7 year old participates in these conversations too! We have to break it down a little for him, but it fun to hear his thoughts.

With today being Election Day (Did you vote yet??) I thought it would be the perfect night to discuss a few voting laws. What I love about these discussions is that you are not trying to indoctrinate your kids with your own political beliefs but give them a chance to cultivate and talk about their own. You don’t have to know all the answers, and you can pause the conversation to look things up or get more info, or you can just listen to what they have to say. I am pretty sure they will surprise you! Here is your Teen Talk Tuesday:

In order to vote in the U.S. you must be a U.S. citizen, be 18 years or older, and meet your state’s residency requirements, but some states have done some interesting things.

  • Multiple states have cleaned out their voter registers, so if you have not voted in the last two election cycles, you may not be able to vote this year. Is this fair or unfair? Why? 
  • In North Dakota a voter law says that you must have a street address not a PO Box to vote. This means many Native Americans, rural residents or others without a street address might not be able to vote because they don’t have the right ID. Should we require a street address to vote? Why would a state think that is necessary?
  • Those incarcerated cannot vote. Should those in prison be able to vote, why or why not?
  • Some polling places have been moved to locations with limited access to public transportation. Is this a problem? For whom? Why or why not?
  • There is only about a 40% turnout on election day of eligible voters during midterms. Why do you think some people don’t vote? Should everyone vote? Why or why not?  
  • How could we make it easier to vote? Should Election Day be a National Holiday? Why or Why not?

In the comments, I would love to know if you have voted yet, and what your feelings are about any or all of these issues. Let’s keep it civil and respectful…starting smart, engaged discussion right here!

 

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Teen Talk Tuesday: Meeting Our Daily Needs…Nature, Physical Touch, Human Connection, Physical Movement

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This Teen Talk Tuesday is a great way to check in on all of your children to make sure they are getting their needs met. You can talk in a group or have this conversation one on one, but I love this one as a group…it is less awkward, there are more ideas, and better family buy in. One thing I found was that even my one child who acted like this was kind of dumb ended up changing some of his behaviors on his own.

The conversation is ESPECIALLY important as our lives become more and more digital…most of these needs were met by default during other eras but today we often have to make a real effort. When my kids are grumpy or feeling down, we can also run through this list to see what they might need more of that day.

Hopefully it will help your kids feel they can open up and let you know what is lacking. Here is how it could go (yours, of course, will be different depending on your family):

M: There was a study that came out by the National Association of Early Childhood Educators that said that all kids needs these four things every day to feel happy: nature, physical touch, human connection, and physical movement. How is our family doing on these? What do we need more of?
K: I feel like we go outside a lot.
M: True, we do have the nature part down, but it is getting colder, which might make it more difficult. What could we do to make sure we still get out into nature?
K: We could shovel snow for people or walk instead of drive when we are going somewhere close. We could walk home from school.
M: Good ideas. How are we doing with physical touch?
K: We wrestle a lot.
M: True :). I have been reading a lot about how important hugs are. I know everyone is not a hugger, but it is so important for all of us, so let’s try to hug before school and before bed as a start. I need to be better about that for sure and you guys still need to hug each other too,even though you are getting old! Can everyone help make that happen? You are all going to have to remind me because I am not great at this. How are we doing with Physical Movement?
K: Really good. We all have practice for our stuff.
M: You are right, but sometimes that isn’t every day, and with the weather turning, how can we all make sure we are getting that physical movement in?
K: We could do push ups and sit ups before bed each night or jumping jacks.
M: I like that. I need it too! When I am sedentary during the day, I just feel kind of low. You guys are much better at physical activity. Maybe we could do more family walks or basketball games when we are having a slower day. Let’s all remind each other to be active whenever we can. What about human connection?
K: What does that even mean?
M: Talking with people, face to face or even on the phone or doing or sharing things with people that make you feel really connected. Like this, or working together, or playing a game or doing homework together.
K: Oh, okay. We are fine.
M: I thought you might say that, but we can improve for sure. Having dinner together electronic free and really talking helps me feel connected. Playing games together, working on a project together, all those things make me feel connected to you and will help you feel more connected to each other. What do you think?
K: Yeah, those things too I guess.
M: What are some things that keep up from those four things?
K: Electronics, being lazy.
M: How can we all help each other meet those four needs every day?
K: We can just remind each other. Or if someone is just watching TV or on their phone or something we can invite them to do something else with us. We could set timers to remind us too.
M: I love those ideas. What if someone is feeling especially grumpy?
K: Maybe we should see what we are missing of those four things and try one of them to see if we feel better.
M: I love that! Let’s give all these ideas a try and see if it helps our family feel closer and happier this week.
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Teen Talk Tuesday: The Migrant Caravan

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This week’s #teentalktuesday is a tough one. Over the weekend, the the migrant caravan reached the Tiajuana border. When members of the caravan rushed the fencing, the border authority fired tear gas to keep people from trying to cross the border into the US.

Image via The Washington Post

This is SUCH an incredibly difficult situation that offers a lot of opportunity for discussion and introspection. So much to think about when you are pitting humanitarian goodness against real time reality. I think it is so important to look at every side. I wish there were easy and right answers, but it is so complicated that it offers a great opportunity to talk with your kids about the following points.

  • Many of these people have walked 2,700 miles, that is from Los Angeles to New York City, most with very little food and few supplies. Just think about that.
  • What type of life do you think they had if they were willing to do this? Single mothers, entire families with young children, pregnant women all left their homes. Why would they leave? What are they hoping for?
  • Why tear gas? Were there other options?
  • Why have they decided to travel in a caravan? What protection does that offer?
  • What do you think is the right answer? Should the US let them in? If not, what should they do with these people who have left their homes and traveled so far?
  • There are over 14,000 people in the caravan. If the US welcomes them all, how will they do it? Where will they live? Who will feed them? How will we pay for it? Where will they go permanently?
  • If they let them in, what type of precedent does this set? What will continue to happen in the future? Do you think there are rules and processes for a reason? What would happen without them?
  • What about those who have been trying to come into the country in a more orderly fashion through legal channels? What happens to them?
  • If you had escaped your home and were hoping for a better life with your children, how would you feel if you were turned away?
  • Is there anything the US can do besides open its borders?
  • You may not be able to solve this crisis, but how can you help now? (Check @serverefugees for some great ideas).
  • How does knowing about this make you feel for the life you have?

I believe giving our kids knowledge and allowing them to think about real issues will create a much better, smarter, kinder, and more innovative generation to come. I would love to hear what your kids think too! 

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Everyone Needs A Motherhood Mentor

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My best #momhack ? Find a motherhood (or fatherhood) mentor. Every successful career is peppered with mentors, people one step ahead who give hope, perspective, goals, and a dose of reality when necessary. There are so many women who have molded and loved me on this parenting path and I feel so blessed.

They are the women who tell you that it is okay to nurse your baby to bed, that your 2 year old will not grow up to be a sociopath because he bites, that you don’t need to have the smartest or most athletic kid, that your messy house is evidence of your priorities being spot on, that your sassy tween will one day call and thank you for everything, and that most teenagers push boundaries and still turn out pretty great. They let you cry when you you feel like a failure and then list all the reasons why you are not. They love you, just as you are.

This photo is of Andrea, a current motherhood mentor. She has experience with hard things and loves without judgement. She cares, believes in me and helps me believe in myself. She is a gift. 

Everyone needs an Andrea. Look for someone who…
1. Is a little removed. Moms and sisters are AWESOME (especially mine), but leaving that circle offers new ideas from someone with a little distance.
2. Is older and wiser. They get you out of the weeds and give perspective that can only come from experience.
3. Has gone through something hard. They will have empathy and help you prioritize what is really important.
4. Doesn’t judge. You can only open up and get help when you feel safe, so choose wisely.
5. Has time and energy for you. You won’t need hours, but you will need someone who has time to talk and care.
6. You look up to…certainly not perfect, but great for all the right reasons.

If you have someone in mind, invite her to lunch, give her a call, pay her a visit, open up and share. If she is who you think she is, she will be thrilled at the chance to love you. The more people in your corner on this motherhood journey, the better.

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A Birthday Questionnaire

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One of the birthday traditions I have kept up and absolutely adore is asking my boys about all their favorite things on their birthday through a little quiz….same questions year after year.

It is so much fun to look back on their answers and see how things have changed and how they stay the same. I think they will absolutely love seeing who they were as a 6 or 10 or 15 year old as they get older…plus I love the one on one time to converse with them and get to know who they are and who and what is important to them at that moment in time. Things I wish I could remember about my own childhood!

I attach my favorite photo of them from the previous year and a little note about who they are through my eyes…how they have grown, what they have struggled with, how they have triumphed. It is a sweet moment for me to reflect.

As a mom, I will love looking back on those little boys and the memories their words hold, and it will be so fun to gift them their own copy to read and laugh about when they start their own family.

Preserving memories is always worth the work, and this little tradition is an absolute pleasure!

 

Here are questions you can copy and paste electronically or a JPEG below you can use if you would prefer a hard copy to hold on to!

My favorite food is: 
My favorite sport is:
The best show on TV is:
The coolest person in the world is:
My best subject in school is: 
I’m really awesome at:
If I could change my name, it would be: 
My favorite color is:
When I grow up I want to be: 
My parents are too strict about:
My favorite song is:
My favorite book is:
When we stop for a treat, I get this:
4 words that describe me are: 
When I was little, I used to:
My favorite scripture story is:
My favorite primary/church song is:
My favorite game is:
My favorite season is: 
The best snack ever is:
My favorite superhero is:
The food that makes me want to barf is: 
The car I would love to drive when I turn 16 is:  
My best friends are: 
The cutest girl/boy I know is: 
The most memorable day this year was:
If I had one wish it would be: 
The best thing that has happened to me this year is:
One thing I want to learn to do this year is:
The thing that scares me the most is:
One thing I need to work on is:
If I could go anywhere it would be:
The most important lesson I’ve learned this year is:  
If I could meet one person from history it would be: 

 

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Making Mom Friends: Forging Real Life Connection in a Digital World

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As most of you know, connection is a big deal to me. Partially because I have realized I am wired to need it more than others do, and partially because I moved around a lot as a young stay at home mom and was always in search of people who would walk with me through motherhood. For this reason, I sometimes find myself wishing for days gone by. 

For hundreds of years and all around the world, women used to gather together to perform daily tasks like gathering water, cooking, washing, and cleaning, and while I am incredibly grateful for modern conveniences and opportunities, I think that time with women, sharing our struggles and triumphs would have felt a bit like heaven, and I wish we had more of it. 

When the world became digital, I noticed more and more women who were insanely virtually connected, yet still lonely. They put on a pretty face but were wanting for more love, understanding and real life people and experiences. The same went for normal women who had plenty of online friends and podcasts to keep them company but were missing something crucial. It was obvious that I was not alone in my longing for added connection in my daily life.

Many of you have read my experiences about sitting alone HERE or watched the online I Am Mom Summit where I discussed this very topic HERE. Some of you were around when I wrote the article It’s Time to Stop Being Friendly and Start Being a Friend HERE or discussed the same topic on the 3 in 30 Podcast HERE. The idea of creating and finding connection has been central to my motherhood journey and I feel passionately that we all need more of it.

Not only that, but I believe we are responsible for one an other, that we are our sister’s keeper, and that one small act has the power to change the course of a life or the trajectory of the world. We need to start doing more of what matters, in real life!

Because I believe it is EVERYONE’S responsibility to look out and reach out, I thought I would give some suggestions on how to do that no matter who you are or what you feel comfortable with! I broke the ideas down into three categories, building upon each other and adding a little extra bravery and effort at each level. But please, start small, and remember that the little things matter!

EASY WAYS TO REACH OUT, CONNECT, AND SHOW LOVE IF YOU ARE SHY OR AN INTROVERT

These easy suggestions are perfect if you are just dipping your toes into connection and friendship but have a desire to be more or better for yourself and those around you. Pick one or two to try! 

 

  1. Send a heartfelt text, thank you note or letter to someone. This is perfect for my introverted friends! Shoot someone a nice text telling them how much they mean to you. Write a kind thank you note to someone who has served you or maybe even a letter to someone who has really impacted your life. It can be the start of a closer connection. 
  2. Drop a birthday present by. Who doesn’t love to be remembered on their birthday? Grab some lotion or hand soap when it goes on sale, add a little piece of chocolate and your favorite quote to a cellophane bag and drop it by when a friend or someone you have just been thinking about has a birthday. A little birthday gesture means so much and is a great way to break the ice!
  3. Look for someone on the fringe. In every situation, there always seems to be someone who is on the fringe…sit next to them, say hello to them, get to know them; they might be looking for someone like you and relieved to connect with a fellow introvert. 
  4. Say Yes! I know saying, “no” and protecting your time is all the rage, but some of my closest, most wonderful relationships have started because I chose to say yes to something. So, if you are feeling lonely or need an excuse to put yourself out there, sign up for something, volunteer, or just simply say yes to the next invitation that comes your way, even if you think you would rather not or it interrupts your schedule. Take a chance and see where it takes you.
  5. Drop something by. If you know someone is going through a difficult time, grab them a cookie, drink, treat, flowers or lunch when you are on your way home one day. If you are really shy, leave it on their porch with a note or text to let them know you were thinking of them, or take a minute to have a conversation with them at the door. They will never forget it!
  6. Show support. Is someone you know performing in a local play? Are they putting on an event? Is their son on the football team? Does their daughter have a recital? Make a plan and go support them. Nothing shows you care like showing up!
  7. Recommend a favorite. This can happen online or even through a group text, but try recommending something you love to others. This introduces them to a new restaurant/book/podcast/ etc. and gives you something to chat about the next time you are together. It can be as easy as tagging them in a facebook or Instagram post with a, “I thought you might like this” comment!
  8. Comment on social media. If you are going to spend a good amount of time online, use it to connect! Share a kind word about their new home or their kid’s soccer game. You will find they are grateful that someone cares!
  9. Practice some good questions for getting conversation going. For those who aren’t natural talkers, starting a conversation with someone new can feel so painful, so it’s nice to have some great conversation starters in your back pocket. Try these:
  • Where did you grow up? Did you like it there? Do you miss it? Do you have family close by?
  • What do you do for work? How do you like your job? Do you plan on staying there for a long time or do you wish you could do something different?
  • How has motherhood been? Is it what you expected? What is the hardest/best part of it? How many kids do you have? What are they in to? 
  • What do you or your family like to do for fun? What are your favorite places to eat or play around here?
  • Have you read/watched/listened to anything good lately?
  • If you follow them on social media, talk about something that has happened to them lately…Your trip looked so fun! What was your favorite part? I am so sorry your daughter broke her leg. How is it going?
  • Compliment them or their child, NOTHING breaks down a barrier like a sincere kind word!

And remember to ALWAYS reciprocate questions! If someone asks you something, answer, and then ask the same question back. For example, “I have 4 kids; how many do you have?”

SIMPLE WAYS TO MAKE FRIENDS THAT DON’T FEEL OVERWHELMING, TOO DIFFICULT OR TAKE A LOT OF TIME

These ideas don’t take much prep or planning, but they do take a little bravery and initiative.

 

  1. Plan a meet up. This is a perfect option for moms who have lots of littles or a few crazy kids that make conversation a little tough. Instead of hosting something at your home, decide on a place you were going to go anyway and open it up to everyone! Think the park, museum, chick-fil-a…put it on a facebook group or send it out in a text. This is a great way to make new friends or include those you aren’t super close to who might need an extra friend in their lives. I also love this because it gives everyone flexibility to come and go as they please with very low expectations. If your kids are melting down, it is fine for you to head out without feeling like you let anyone down.
  2. Exercise together. I LOVE to take walks with friends…being outside, in nature, with friends, and connecting is one of my all time favorite things to do. Look for another mom who likes the type of exercise you do and make plans to do it together or invite everyone! I am pretty sure many of my friends have solved the world’s problems during running group!
  3. Introduce yourself. We are all guilty of slipping into a class, break room, school or sporting event and seeing the same people over and over again without every really acknowledging them, but it doesn’t have to be that way! Introduce yourself, even if it has been 10 years of you looking at each other and half-smiling! I did this in a gym class and it has made my experience something I look forward to every week! Every Monday morning, I don’t just go to workout, I go to see my friends and catch up with them. I am so grateful I decided to say hello 5 years ago as they are some of my favorite people today. It is NEVER too late to be a friend.
  4. Sit by someone. It is so easy to attend a sporting event or a dance concert and sit on the very end with your phone out, but you miss some really amazing opportunities to connect with those around you who have a shared interest. So, sit in the middle or on the bleachers, talk about the sport and about life. I promise, it makes all the kid stuff so much more fulfilling!
  5. Leave your phone in the car. When you attend an event, try leaving your phone in the car; this step forces you to be fully engaged in the present. Sometimes, if I am feeling a little taken over by technology, I will leave my phone in the car while I shop. I will look people in the eye, I will listen to moms talking to their kids, I will have conversations with the checkers and it reminds me that we are all part of something real, together.
  6. Share a sincere compliment. I LOVE giving compliments to people I know and to complete strangers. There is nothing like sharing a sincere, kind observation with someone who isn’t expecting it. It will change the course of their day and of yours too and just might be the start of a friendship!
  7. Ask someone to teach you something. It can be so easy to feel inadequate in a world full of such competent people, which can put many of us into a tailspin of self-doubt and exclusion, but the next time you find someone who is great at something you need work on, don’t be jealous, instead ask them to teach you! So many of my closest relationships started because I asked someone to teach me…I have learned how to decorate, organize, garden, parent, and all kinds of other things, because wonderful, generous women were willing to teach me, and I love them for it!
  8. Be real. Yes, your life is crazy and messy, but that is what makes you so wonderful! Don’t be afraid to share the not so pretty parts of your life. Tell someone when you are frustrated, worried, or alone. Show your weakness and let someone help you through it. We only really bond with one another when we are honest and real, so see your weaknesses as a way to connect and come closer to those in your life, not a reason to push them away.
  9. Call instead of text. It is so easy to send a text to figure out details, but every now and then, call instead! This gives you a chance to make a real world connection and maybe get a little deeper than, “Can you drive at 4?” When I call a friend it gives us a quick minute to catch up with one another before we get down to business and I love it!
  10. Ask for advice. Is there anything that stops friendship faster than a person who thinks they know everything? It is impossible to get close to someone who has all the answers, so open up and show that you need some ideas and help too. Don’t act like you have this life all figured out…there is so much we can learn from each other and those shared experiences create a bond!
  11. Follow up. Rachel, an awesome mother and the creator of 3 in 30 podcast gave me this idea and it is great for the good and the bad moments. When she knows someone has gone through something difficult she does her best to follow up with them. She does this by sending a CD of comforting songs that help her find peace, but you could do this by simply asking about their tough moment. For example, “How is you job search going? Do you have any leads? Have you figured anything out with your son’s health? Did you get any results back? You could also drop a little congrats treat off when their child makes a high school team or gets engaged. Just something to let people know you understand how exciting/hard/frustrating life can be and you want to be there for them through it!

BIGGER WAYS TO CONNECT THAT TAKE A LITTLE MORE EFFORT BUT YIELD HEFTY REWARDS

These options are for the man or woman who has a little extra time and energy to help create connection for themselves and others and doesn’t mind the extra effort!

  1. Start a group. I have always loved being part of a book club and have started or joined one in almost every neighborhood we have lived in.  What I love about them is that it gets people talking and discussing on a deeper level which brings added insight and closeness. If you aren’t a reader or don’t have time for books, think about doing an article or podcast club. You can host them in your home, or you can meet at a fast-casual restaurant and chat or even try it at a park. Some of my favorite memories are sharing books and deep thoughts with the women in my life!
  2. Feed people. There is something magical about feeding people in your home. It can be something simple like pizza and bagged salad or you can make it as fancy as time and talent allow. You can have a whole family for dinner or women over for lunch. When you get groups of people, breaking bread together, something really amazing happens…and no one ever says no to a free meal! ves! It is a great way to bring people in!
  3. Meet for lunch. A woman I know has a standing lunch appointment at the same fast-casual restaurant the first Tuesday of the month and invites everyone to join her. No need to wait for a birthday! Such a great idea, especially for working women or for moms with kids in school or with new babies who might be feeling a little lonely. So great to have planned girl time each month!
  4. Organize a kid carpool or outing. Who doesn’t love it when someone will plan things for their kids? Find a lesson, team or club and invite other moms to join you or your kids. Organize carpools and open it up to be as inclusive as possible. Sharing experiences with our kids and friends is a great way to bond with each other.  
  5. Start a tradition. If you love something, start a neighborhood tradition around it. A woman in my neighborhood has put together a super fun Easter Egg hung for almost 20 years. It brings everyone together and even grandchildren are now coming to enjoy the fun. Maybe you could do something on a smaller scale? Is football your thing? Throw a Super Bowl party! Do you love the 4th of July? Have friends over for a water day. We love our Marshmallow Snowball Fight in December you can read more about HERE. Lots of great options on any scale!
  6. Find a Motherhood Mentor. I wrote a lot about this topic HERE, but remember that friendship can come in all ages and stages, so look beyond those who are just like you! Find someone who can give you help or perspective during your stage of life because they have already been there, or look to someone who does things so differently from you that she will open your mind to new thoughts and ideas.
  7. Be a Mentor. To pay it forward, plan on being a mentor for someone who needs you. Look at the women who are 5-10 years behind your path and make room for them in your life. Invite them to be part of something you are a part of, or take them to lunch one afternoon and get to know them, letting you know you are there for them!
  8. Volunteer. So many of my greatest friendships have started because I was willing to be a part of something bigger than myself. I know it often sounds like just “one more thing,” so choose wisely and take some time to give of yourself to a cause that really matters to you. You will meet like minded, passionate people who share a common interest, which is a great basis for friendship!
  9. Share a talent. Everyone can use a little help every now and then, so don’t be afraid to offer up a skill, just to be nice. Is a friend planning a wedding? Help decorate the tables. Does a neighbor want to plant a garden? Educate her about flowers. Is your friend’s son struggling with math? Offer to help with an assignment. Think of how you can enter someone’s life in a kind and helpful way and see if a friendship starts from there.
  10. Dessert night. One thing we have loved doing is planning a dessert night. We open it up to the whole neighborhood during the good weather months and everyone brings something to share. It is super low key and allows us to be really inclusive and get to know people better!
  11. Accept help. This suggestion might be the best and hardest one of all, but accepting help is crucial to building deep connections. Most of us would rather be on the giving end of service but allowing others into your life and heart is one of the best ways to forge a friendship. Don’t be afraid to need and let others fill that need. 

Now, please remember to try and ENJOY these efforts! Friendship does not come quickly and it takes work and sometimes a lot of time before you truly feel like you have friends. It won’t be reciprocated one for one, and you might mostly do the inviting without an invitation in return and that is OKAY! It doesn’t mean that people don’t like you, they just might not be comfortable or see it as their role.

Sometimes though things can be unfairly hard. I had a reader ask what to do if things were especially cliquey and here was my answer to her:

The neighborhood I moved into is so cliquey. It doesn’t seem like anyone really wants to be friends with me at all. What can I do?

First of all, I am so sorry. It is the worst to feel unwanted where you live. I have been there and it is such a lonely feeling. Before you blame everyone else, I want you to consider how much effort you put into BEING a friend. Have you invited anyone to your home for dinner? Have you invited the ladies you think you would enjoy to lunch? Do you participate in neighborhood events? When someone invites you somewhere, do you go? Do you open up when you are with others and share things that will help people feel close to you? Have you volunteered to help them? Are you interested in their lives and their families? Have you found people you have things in common with? It is easy to feel entitled when you are new, like other people should be making the effort, and they should, but they often don’t, so most of your friendships will happen because of your own effort.

If you feel like you really have done all you can to be a friend, then maybe re-evaluate who you are trying to befriend. Maybe you have picked people who truly are too busy right now (caring for an elderly parent, new baby, full-time employment, PTA president, etc.) or maybe you want to be friends with people who truly don’t have any interest in adding you to their circle. But, I know there is someone else who could use and would love your friendship. Look a little harder. Try to be the friend you are looking for to someone else who needs a friend. Go outside your neighborhood, get involved in something that matters to you and try to build friendships there. If none of that works, hold on. Sometimes it really does just take time. The first year in every place I lived was a tough one. Things do change.

Thank you ALL for caring enough about this topic and enough about each other to be here, to learn more, and to resolve to be better. I would love you to try a couple of these ideas and see where they take you, then come back and let me know how they go!

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How I Use Chatbooks to Record our Real History

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It’s good to celebrate the little wins right? Well, I am all caught up on our family photo books…honestly, kind of a big win! I am not the most organized, and I’m not a big systems person, but I do cherish photos and memories, so I knew I needed to figure out something that would work on my terms. And I did.

Chatbooks has been a lifesaver. This is NOT sponsored, but I just had to tell you how I have made it work so well for me. In the beginning, I used them like most people did…I posted all my favorite photos for my family and friends to see, carefully edited in a Nashville setting 🙂 and with short, clever captions. When I hit 60 photos, I would get a beautiful book of the highlights I was secure enough to share with the world.
BUT, this only gave a sliver of our story, plus my kids were getting older, and I wanted to include so much more than they were comfortable with me sharing with the world. So, I created a private Instagram account that only my husband and I were a part of and I started posting EVERYTHING there…the good, the bad, the ugly, and I wrote A LOT about the things that mattered.
I showcased the big moments and the little moments. I bragged as much as I wanted to. I included cool things that happened for me and my husband, not just for the kids. I posted unflattering photos that showed something important. I didn’t hound boys who hated posing for pictures for “just one more” and ruin the moment. I wrote about the times someone didn’t win a game or make a team and how that went down. I talked about hard weeks and incredible ones and posted as many pictures as I needed, even if to the world they would all look the same.

It is our REAL history, and I love it so much. We get one book per month (an option you can sign up for), and it is the best $10 I spend. We are about a year behind in receiving them, though online I am caught up, which makes it even more fun when they come! When it arrives in its bright green package, my boys (who are teenagers) fight over who gets to read it first. They love them as much as I do. Every photo reminds them of a memory and of the love our family shares. I keep about half of them on our ottoman and rotate the ones that are out, and they are thumbed through constantly sometimes even taken upstairs for bedtime reading.

A few other things I love: I love that my photos are stored in multiple places…iCloud, Chatbooks, and physical copies. I love that I can reprint books at any time. I love that I can print individual photos. I love that I can catch up on our family history at any time or in small time chunks. I love that I can choose the cover or edit the captions before the books go to print (though I usually just let them roll out). Are they huge and perfect? No. Are they perfect for us and accessible and loved? Yes!
I also got the most brilliant idea from a comment on my Instagram post…hashtag each post with the child who is in the photo or who the caption is about. Then, when you want to print books for them before they leave your house, you will have all the photos they want ready in one place. You could also do it per year if you prefer that and hashtag with the child’s name and year!
A few other things I have learned from others since posting: if you don’t want to use Instagram at all, you can make a book in the Chatbooks app or on your computer. This is also a great way to backfill if you are behind but would like to get started. I personally enjoy the Instagram option because I can flip through on my phone and share the moments with my husband in real time. You can also add photos to your book if you have a public account but want to add a couple more before it prints.
So, if you are looking for a great way to record your history and be able to enjoy it in the process, this has been perfect for us! Keep your regular Instagram, the one you share with the world, then create one just for you! Start from the oldest picture on your phone and start posting…even if you don’t have time for all the captions, or even start right now, this month, with what you have. You will be so happy you did!!
To get $10 off your first book, click HERE!
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75 Would You Rather Questions for Teens

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Sometimes teens need a little help getting to know each other, and this list of 75 teen specific questions is perfect to break the ice! There are some thinkers, some funny ones, and some so difficult the answer is almost impossible to decide on.

We used these during our White Ribbon Week at the Junior High, but they would be great for family dinner table conversation, ice breakers at a school or church event, a long car ride, family reunion, or super fun around a campfire at summer camp. With 75 there are plenty to last all week!

You can cut them into strips and pull them out of a cup or laminate the whole set and use them again and again. Enjoy a little preview, and if you like them, purchase the whole list for $2.00, linked HERE. Do you have one I should add to my list? Add it in the comments, the more the better!!

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How To Celebrate and Honor the Senior Class during Corona

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Well, for most students, schools are out until next year, which means all of the end of the year rituals, sports, and celebrations won’t happen. Graduations will be virtual or modified, and this senior class will have an experience like none other.

So, how to deal with it all? Is there still a way to celebrate and stay safe? Is there a way to make it special and exciting while still distancing? Here are some ideas from around country that might work, but first….

Remember that what is right for your student and your family will not be right for every student and every family. Just because your child isn’t sad, doesn’t mean others aren’t. Just because you need to make it super special, doesn’t mean other families have the same need. Just because someone is okay with it all doesn’t mean they are suppressing emotion or didn’t like high school. Just because someone is devastated doesn’t mean they won’t be able to deal with future reality.

Be grateful for those who are making an effort to make something good happen for the students who are missing out on something pretty special and support and enhance if you can and where you see a need. Or don’t, if it doesn’t matter to you or your student. Let’s give everyone room to breathe and to be and to feel without being attacked for what might be important to them or a necessary normal during a crazy time. 

IDEAS FOR SCHOOLS

  • Create a Senior Instagram page where seniors can post a photo or video with their favorite high school memory, what they will miss most, and their plans after graduation. (example HERE)
  • Plan graduation or PROM or cotillion in the summer.
  • See if colleges will do a PROM for all the Freshman during the fall semester
  • Create yard signs for all the graduates (you could use the graduation budget for these instead).
  • Offer caps and gowns for pick up so families can still hold graduations at home and get photos.
  • Create a photo booth wall at the school where Seniors can come take pictures with fun sayings or props to commemorate the craziness of it all.
  • Create a video of every senior sharing a memory and wishing their friends the best.
  • Have sports teams and music departments highlight the seniors like they would on senior night…either create a video of it or do it through a ZOOM team meeting.
  • Record graduation speeches and send them out. Make them shorter and give more people an opportunity…maybe one per club or team.
  • Have the music department sing the songs that were planned for graduation in a video mash up (you can find these on the internet where people from all over comprise a choir online).
  • Create a Facebook group for the Seniors so they can converse and say good-byes to the people they won’t keep in contact with after graduation.
  • Create time slots over a few different days for students to come pick up their diploma, from an administrator on the football field (even wearing masks). Have balloons and music playing, some disposable props or fun signs for pictures. Let them take the opportunity for photos at their school. Give them a pen and let everyone write a message on a large banner or two to their classmates, then photograph it and send it to every senior.
  • Every Thursday evening at 8:20 (20:20 military time) light the stadium for 20 minutes to celebrate the class of 2020.
  • Line the HS fence with banners honoring the seniors.
  • Still plan a grad night party for as soon as the ban is lifted.
  • Have a graduation parade through the city. Close down a path, have the grads dressed in cap and gown and ride through town while citizen cheer and wave.
  • Have a drive through graduation. Students get out and accept diplomas one by one.
  • The kids are really missing saying good-bye to their teachers. Have each teacher record a short video message to the class of 2020 and share it with the students.
  • Rent out a drive in, come in caps and gowns to watch a compilation video and speakers on the big screen outside from your cars.

IDEAS FOR NEIGHBORS & FRIENDS

  • Plan a parade in your neighborhood where the seniors sit on their porches and neighbors drive by with honks and well wishes and maybe a card with cash or a treat too!
  • Deliver candy or money leis to graduates on the day graduation was supposed to be held
  • Tell the Seniors you know that you are sorry about the way things turned out. Let them know how awesome you think they are.
  • A neighborhood lantern release on graduation day.
  • Chalk the driveway of the grad with sidewalk chalk in school colors or with well wishes.
  • Line the sidewalk or driveway of the grad with luminaries. Instructions HERE
  • Adopt a senior community facebook page. The family posts a photo and some things the senior has accomplished and someone from the community recognizes them in some small way.

IDEAS FOR FAMILIES

  • Make PROM happen at home with a fancy dinner or favorite take out, have the family all dress up, get flowers, take photos, do hair and make-up and have a dance party.
  • Create a “this is your life” slideshow for the graduate.
  • If the graduate is into music, hold the senior recital at home, on the front porch for neighbors or over ZOOM.
  • Take senior or graduation photos (add in the PROM dress, the baseball uniform, the recital dress…anything that was missed that year so they remember)
  • Gift a book full of pictures from life and all the things mom and dad hope they taught you (Shutterfly or Chatbooks…for an example see the Instagram @knowinglivingloving). To get your first Chatbook free, click HERE.
  • Create a quilt with all their high school t-shirts and uniforms.
  • During graduation week, decorate with balloons, banners, and signs in your yard.
  • @Moremomma on Instagram is giving away her college cookbook to Seniors! Snag yours HERE.
  • Create a Facebook group for parents of seniors and work together to come up with great ideas.
  • Ask coaches, friends, neighbors, family, and special teachers to send an email about your Senior. Print them and put them in a book for them to read on graduation day.
  • Swipe their phone or ask them to send you their favorite pictures from their phone, combine them with yours and put them all in a Chatbook with fun captions and memories from their high school years.
  • Get some “Build-A-Head” cut outs to decorate your lawn (@buildahead on Instagram)
  • Create a meaningful gifts like @alignedambition HERE
  • Check out @emilysdoodles on Instagram. She makes darling and meaningful custom illustrations of grads. Would be a great gift!
  • Take things a little less seriously with a funny graduation t-shirt like THIS or THIS or THIS

IDEAS FOR SENIORS

Sometimes focusing only on the bad during a hard time can make things worse. Here are some ideas for your Seniors who may need a way to look outside themselves or focus on the good times and still celebrate graduation.

  • Make a Chatbook for each person in your friend group with all your favorite photos and memories. (to make your first one free, click HERE)
  • Print and frame a favorite photo with each of your friends and deliver it with a letter about how much they mean to you.
  • Write a letter to your favorite teacher and let them know how they have inspired you.
  • Print pictures and make a collage of all your favorite high school memories to put in your room or new dorm.
  • Check with your school and see if there is a service project you can perform.
  • Take a treat to everyone on your team or in your choir or band to just let them know that you miss them. Include a personal note or favorite memory.

WAYS TO POSITIVELY FRAME OR TALK ABOUT  A MISSED GRADUATION

First of all, you need to know your child, but I loved the way some parents have used this as a teaching moment for life. First, you must honor the way they feel about the situation and what a disappointment it is for everyone. Remember that reminding them of people who have had harder or worse isn’t helpful, but these thoughts seemed worth passing along:

  • You still have wonderful and cherished memories from your high school years and this strange time and unconventional graduation will be one of them. Just because it didn’t end the way you hoped doesn’t erase all the good stuff.
  • You have the ability to find the positive even in really difficult situations. This is a lifelong skill that will make your future so much more enjoyable.  When you feel ready, start finding the good in all of this.
  • You are uniquely suited for this experience. You are resilient and good with the unexpected and change, which is such a blessing because life rarely follows the plan you make and as adults we are often disappointed or thrown curve balls and this experience will prepare you to roll with the punches and still find purpose and light.
  • I am here to support you and love you. I don’t want to tell you how to feel because every feeling is okay to have right now, but I want you to know that I am here for you.

Hope these ideas make graduation and the end of the school year special even with this different circumstances. Do you or your school have another idea? I would love for you to share it in the comments!

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After Corona Family Questionnaire

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We are living through a historic time, and I want my kids to be able to remember their thoughts, feelings, and what they learned from living through the Coronavirus.

Before things really open up, we are going to have a family discussion about what all of this has meant to us…highs, lows, and everything in between. Then, I want them to individually fill out these questions. It will be such a gift to look back one day and see how life and perspective changed for each of them.

I also want to make sure we deliberately try to keep the good stuff. There have been hard things through this time but also so much good. We’ve learned a lot and I don’t want it all to just go away because the virus is gone.

Hope this printable helps your family do the same!

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Teacher Thank You Note (Fill In the Blank)

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Boy oh boy are we all grateful for our teachers this year? Each year, I love to encourage my kids to write something meaningful to them, something that will help them understand the impact they have made.

The easiest way to do this is to give them prompts and then allow them to honestly fill in the blank. It has been so fun to see their answers and their teachers have loved them so much. Add a gift card to the note, and it is the perfect end of the year present!

You can just copy my questions from HERE and have your child write it all out, or you can download the printable for $1 from my ETSY shop. I wish I didn’t have to charge for anything, but I am a pitiful graphic designer, so I have to pay for things to be designed, so I try my best to keep it affordable yet cover my costs!

Hope this adds meaning to your gift and lets your teachers know how much they mean to you!! Grab one for your family HERE.

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Great Gifts for Dads

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Father’s Day is just around the corner, and I have some great options for the men in your life who certainly deserve to be celebrated!

If you don’t find something he will love here, check out my past lists HERE, HERE, and HERE. There are some classics that never go out of fun or style for every kind of man in your life!

 

Electro Muscle Stimulator

This little gadget has SAVED us multiple times this year. It uses electric stimulation to help sore muscles, bad backs, and stiff necks or anywhere that is hurting. It has been a life saver and someone in our house is using it at least a couple times a week. At only ($37) it has more than paid for itself and kept us from needing PTs or chiropractors too often for minor discomfort. Your man will love this! Get it for him HERE!

 

Cane Massager

Now this doesn’t look like an especially kind gift, but it is pretty amazing for getting out those hard to reach knots and troubled back and neck areas. Inexpensive and sturdy, you will want this little tool around for sure! ($20) Order one HERE.

 

 

BBQ Apron

If you have a man in your life who loves to spend a Sunday grilling or smoking, this apron is the coolest! Heavy duty and room for every tool he needs. He will love you for this one! ($30) Grab yours HERE.

 

Portable S’Mores Maker

If you don’t have the space or money for a fire pit but still want that summer night S’Mores feeling, this portable S’mores maker is great for dad. It plugs in to an indoor or outdoor outlet and provides all the heat you need for a perfect marshmallow every time. ($20) Grab yours HERE.

 

 

Garden/Tool Bucket Organizer

If you have a gardener or handyman in your life, this makes a really inexpensive gift! Wrap this organizer around a 5 gallon bucket and fill it with favorite gardening tools or a few new screwdrivers and let the man in your life enjoy this organized bucket all season long. Include some small garbage sacks and he can carry the bucket with him as he gardens for quick clean up. A great price too at only $17! Order yours HERE!

All About Dad Fill In Book

My boys got me the mom version for Mother’s Day, and I loved reading all their answers! This is such a fun gift for the kids to gift to dad! Only $8 and such fun memories. Order yours HERE soon, they sell out fast!

What I Love About Grandpa Book

This is similar to the dad book, but all about grandpa! Get all the grand kids to fill it in, or gift it from just your family. He will love hearing what his favorite little people love about him! ($12) Get your copy HERE.

 

 

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A Book to Love

Recommended by Bill Gates and heralded by just about everyone, this book is described as, “Widely hailed for its ‘sweeping, sobering account of the American past’ (New York Times Book Review), Jill Lepore’s one-volume history of America places truth itself―a devotion to facts, proof, and evidence―at the center of the nation’s history.” My husband cannot put it down! ($17) Order yours HERE.

 

 

Outdoor Movie Projector

Do you have a movie lover who wants to enjoy his favorite shows outdoors or on the go? This portable projector that hooks up to your smartphone is a steal and can go with you anywhere. ($119) Start your fun HERE.

Air Fryer

This is the kitchen tool dreams are made of. An air fryer allows you to get that yummy, crisp texture without any of the oil and with way less mess and time. Just about anything tastes good if it is air fried…think veggies, take out fries, chicken and a million other options. Super easy to crisp up leftovers too. Perfect for any man at any stage. ($120) Order yours HERE.

 

VIKTOR JURGEN Neck Massage Pillow Shiatsu Deep Kneading Shoulder Back and Foot Massager with Heat-Relaxation Gifts for Women/Men/Dad/Mom-FDA Approved

Massager

I have already recommended this one, but it is that good. Small, portable and works on every body part. Everyone in our family just loves it! I think this gift is a total home run if there is a man in your life that likes a little pampering. You will probably be stealing it for yourself, so basically it’s a gift for two! ($40) grab it HERE.

 

KUBB

We played this yard game all through quarantine and have converted everyone who comes to our house. It is easy to play and fun for all ages. A little strategy and skill but easy enough for everyone to play. $40 grab it HERE.

 

Amazin' Aces Pickleball Paddle Set Pickleball Set Includes 2-4 Wood Pickleball Paddles, 4 Pickleballs, 1 Carry Bag & Guaranteed Fun! | Beginner-Intermediate Racket | Includes Free eBook

 

Pickleball

Has your area caught onto the Pickleball Craze yet? If not, it’s coming! Such a fun way for the whole family to be active. This set is incredibly affordable and will give you hours of fun! ($47) Grab it HERE. If you are more advanced, you will want the more expensive paddles, HERE.

 

 

Sport-Brella Versa-Brella 4-Way Swiveling Sun Umbrella (Midnight Blue), 38x39

SINGLE USE SHADE UMBRELLA

This is on all my lists because if you are a sports family, this is a must! The umbrella is perfect for one person. It is just big enough and clips onto your chair for easy shade anywhere because it bends and swivels to get just the right angle! So awesome for all those sports watching dads and grandpas ($20). Grab one HERE.

BLEACHER SEATS

Do you need to buy for a man who a lot of time on the bleachers? These seats will be heaven sent for him this year! The fold flat for transport and you can carry them on your back like a backpack…plus they are super light. Order two or you will want to steal his! ($55)

 

I hope these give you some fun gift ideas for the dads in your life! Have a great suggestion that belongs on this list? Add it in the comments! We love to try new, recommended ideas!

 

*I am an Amazon Affiliate and receive a small commission when you order from my links. However, all recommendations are my own!

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Summer Ideas for Bored Teens

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Summer with teens can be incredibly great and also incredibly hard. As they get older, there isn’t as much neighborhood or sibling play and they may not be quite old enough for a job, but 12 hours of Netflix is usually not any parent’s ideal plan.

We have tried lots of ideas throughout the years to make summer enjoyable and productive at the same time and some years have definitely been better than others. One thing I noticed was that my kids often wanted to do something, but they were too lazy to think of what to do! I also saw that as they got older, they wanted more control than a chore chart or prescribed schedule gave them. So, this year I created a list with some great ideas for play, learning, boredom, exercise, work and more.

You can use this list in all kinds of ways. Every day, have them pick something from a few different categories. Or have “must do” categories and some optional ones each day. You can let them plan their entire week with the list and put a couple different things on each day, or just hang the list up on the fridge for when they need a little inspiration for summer fun. It also works well for working parents…just have them send you a photo when they complete each activity!

The list is easy to see and use (with some links to products that might help). To download the PDF, click this link Summer Ideas for Teens (1)  and you can save and print it at home, or below is a list you can copy and paste, so you can pick and choose, to make a personalized list that works for your family. I have also added some outside and inside work options that aren’t on the PDF because heaven knows they need to be part of our routine! Any extras you think I need to add? Please suggest them in the comments!

 

EXERCISE

Run

Walk

Lift weights

High fit

Workout video

HIIT training

Push ups

Sit ups

Abs 

Biking

PHYSICAL

Basketball

Pickleball

Tennis

Hike

Soccer

Play catch

Kan jam

Kubb

Croquet

Bocce ball

Spike ball

Wiffleball

Tramp

Frisbee

Dance

MUSIC

Piano

Write a song

Guitar

Ukulele

You tube voice lessons

Edit your playlist

Create a playlist

Listen to music

Thumb piano

EDUCATION

Read

Khan Academy

ACT Prep

Coding

Summer School

Write a story or a poem

Make a savings plan

Create a game

Watch a TED talk

Listen to a podcast

Family History

Colorku

Rubix Cube

PEACE

Yoga

Meditation

Journal

Scriptures

Prayer

Hammock 

Boredom

WATER

Swimming

Lake 

Kayaking

Sprinkler under tramp

Fishing

Water balloons

Water fight

COOKING

Plan lunches/dinners for the week

Bake a dessert

Bake bread

Cook dinner

Make Popsicles

Shop for Groceries

SERVICE

Yardwork for someone

Deliver a dessert

Make dinner

Create a scavenger hunt

Bring in garbage cans

Write a thank you note or email

Call a grandparent

Heart attack a door

Pick up litter

Help a sibling

Teach something

PLAY

Legos

Snapcircuits

3D Metal Earth

Puzzle

Yo Yo

Board or card game

Tinker Crates

Kanoodle

Catapult

ART

Paint

Draw

Make slime

Craft

Woodworking

Leather work

Doodle Crate

Friendship bracelets

Boondoggle

Loom

Crochet

Make Play doh

Sidewalk Chalk

Organize photos 

Make a Chatbook

Make a Scrapbook

INSIDE WORK

Clean out a closet or drawer

Dust blinds or fans

Clean baseboards

Clean Bathroom

Kitchen chores

Organize a drawer, cupboard or closet

Decorate your room

Iron

Laundry

Clean out fridge

Wipe down walls

OUTSIDE WORK

Mow lawn

Edge

Weed

Harvest

Sweep

Power wash

Clean garage

Wash windows

Wash car

Vacuum car

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How To Feel Like a Successful Mom Everyday

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The last few months have made for some intense mothering moments, and with summer here, that “never doing enough” pressure is ever present.

My friend, Emily Orton, recently shared some advice that changed everything for me. She advised women to figure out what makes them feel successful in motherhood, and do more of it! Then, when night comes, instead of listing all the ways you fell short, reflect on how you built relationships in ways you love. This process has helped me find so much more contentment and joy in motherhood. I no longer let one bad exchange, too much screen time, my working hours or forgotten chores cloud all the good stuff. Perfection is not possible, and life is too short to constantly tally my failures.

The first step in this process was figuring out what makes me feel like a successful mom. It’s different for everyone, but I’ve nailed down what I know matters to me.

And so I make deliberate choices to make those things happen as often as possible. We get outside together; I take advantage of one on one time; I stay up later than I want to; we talk books and big ideas; I make dinner; I take care of myself spiritually so I can teach them; I play sports I am horrible at; we bake together; I get in the water (sometimes) I laugh at dumb memes; I cheer for them; and find ways we can serve together. I’m working on being present, REALLY present when these things are happening. Which usually means putting down my phone and living in the moment.

And the most beautiful part about this shift in thinking? I don’t have to do ALL those things ALL day or even ALL those things EVERY day. I still work and clean and talk on the phone, but I also make sure the good stuff happens, every day. And then I do my best to focus on those stellar motherhood moments, giving myself credit for the relationships I am nurturing and the memories we are making. Are there a million less than ideal times too? Of course, and I’m constantly trying to troubleshoot, but life is too short to focus on failures when instead I can focus on joy.

So, right now, I want you to do these things:

  1. List all the things that make you feel like a successful mother.
  2. List all the things that make you feel joy as a mother.
  3. Keep this list where you can see it, so you can remind yourself of what is truly most important.
  4. Do at least one of these things every day. In fact, start the day with one, so you can immediately call your day a success!
  5. When you do these things, be present so you really FEEL the joy and satisfaction of what you are doing.
  6. At the end of the day, don’t focus on what you didn’t do, but instead focus on how you were successful as a mom or how you felt joy that day.
  7. If it helps, jot it down in a notebook before bed and enjoy what you ARE doing instead of what you AREN’T.

I hope this process helps you re-frame motherhood and allows you to love it just a little more!
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Why We Went Screen Free Last Week and How We Made it Work

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Does anyone else feel like life has been one big screen fest since March and Corona? I have been giving myself grace about it, throwing around all the placating comments in my mind saying, “this is a strange time” and “it has been hard for everyone” and “what else is there to do after all this time”  and “I have mostly teenagers so it’s harder” but they just weren’t sitting right with me any longer.

Our normally moderate screen home had become obsessed with them. I had lost my will to regulate screens ALL THE TIME since so little was happening and everyone was home so much, so I ignored and rationalized it. Until I just couldn’t anymore. My 8 year old was only looking forward to screens. He was missing out on all the goodness of summer as a kid. He and his friends had lost the ability to come up with something fun to do and honestly, didn’t even try. My teens were also in the same rut (some more than others) and we just needed a breather, a refresh, a perspective shift.

I realized that complaining about it and hating my situation was not a viable way to live. I have the power to change things if I really want to, and so, we decided, last Sunday to just go cold turkey and be screen free for the week, and it has been awesome. Honestly, I cannot say enough good things about it.

This is what I have seen that has been missing for quite awhile:

  1. More physical activity. Without a screen to numb them in the mornings, they get out before it gets too hot and shoot hoops, go on runs, play soccer, and ride bikes. This also happens later in the day.
  2. More creative play happening. My little guy’s friends, on their own, came up with a cooking competition and did it all on their own. It was awesome. My 13 year old rode his bike to the store to get supplies for an experiment and created a water balloon launcher. Lots of moments like this with siblings and even on an individual basis.
  3. My older kids are making plans. Because they know their days can’t be filled with screens, they have been busy making sure they have plenty going on each day and think about the next day. They are also happier to join in family activities because it is better than sitting around with nothing to do.
  4. Work is getting done faster and better without the complaints. It used to be so hard to pull them away from screens to get them to do anything, but without screens they just get their stuff done.
  5. Lots more reading is happening, especially in the morning, at night, and during “bored” time. I love seeing my boys with books.
  6. We are all happier. My husband and I are not as frustrated with everyone; we are spending more time together; and there is way less contention in the home. I have even noticed attitude shifts overall in my boys and WAY less fighting.
  7. Everyone slept much better. No one was staying up to watch “one more show” and they were tired every night because they had been so active.
  8. Just because I have to work from home does not mean that my kids only option is to increase their screen time. They are fully capable of doing a million other things, and I can still get work done.
  9. So many of my frustrations with my mothering, my kids, and our family as a whole disappeared when screens did. It was amazing.

Here are a few tips on how we made it work:

  1. I prepared myself. Going screen free is a lot more work on the front end as a mom, but I decided it was worth it. I cut back on my own work hours or saved them for nighttime. I planned a lot of activities and re-engaged in the daily life of motherhood. I was in the car a lot more than usual and out and about quite a bit. I participated in the fun. I was grateful for the messes that were being made and played games at night even when I was already tired. It was a lot of work but the best kind of work. The trade off was well worth it.
  2. We made plans and had things to look forward to. I made sure there were things going each day, and my kids were great at making sure their days had lots of good things going on so they weren’t just wishing for screen time.
  3. I grabbed a couple cool, different things for them to get excited about. We ordered a few Tinker Crate kits and loved them. They built the lantern/flashlight, the safe deposit box, and the headphones. They loved having something to look forward to that was different, and I love that Tinker Crate is advanced enough for teen boys to engage in it. If you are looking to spice things up this summer or plan on going screen free for a bit, they are awesome. Get $10 off your order HERE.
  4. I was okay with some complaining and a few exclamations of “boredom.” But, overall, I was surprised at how little that happened.
  5. We were practical about it so there wasn’t any sneaking. I unplugged the TVs and Xboxes so there was no way to access them. We added extra screen time regulations to phones and turned off the wifi to the computer. It was easier than I thought as long as we had things physically in place.
  6. We talked a lot about how they felt and the changes they saw in themselves and our family as they were screen free. They recognized lots of great things when it came to creativity, attitude, and activity. They are all 100% sure that they don’t want to go back to the way they were. We will be making concrete plans this Sunday.

Exceptions to the rules:

  1. My oldest (17) is away camping out of cell service, so he has been doing screen free by default. The older they get, the harder it can be, but hopefully he has seen the same benefits we have!
  2. My second son (15) did keep his phone, but he dialed screen time way back. He doesn’t have social media but does have a couple games he plays so he cut those out. He is also doing 2 summer courses, so he still did use his computer for school but no video games. He did watch a little TV a couple of times while doing his workouts.
  3. My third son (13) doesn’t have a phone, which makes things much easier. Once or twice, in the car, I let him play about 10 minutes on my phone while he waited for me to run in to the store or waited for a soccer game to start.
  4. We didn’t regulate them having screens at friends’ houses, but I did let my 8 year old’s friends parents know so he didn’t just camp out at their houses and watch TV since he couldn’t do it here. He has loved it the most and has had the best time with his friends this week!
  5. On Tuesday night, our two youngest watched a little TV. My husband and I both had deadlines and they had been awesome and highly engaged for 3 days. I didn’t beat myself up about any of these slip ups. I felt like we did amazing and I let myself be proud of that.
  6. The adults were not screen free, but we used our phones and computers much less. It was awesome!

Conclusion:

I wish we could do this forever, but it probably won’t happen. However, doing it for a week has honestly been a dream…maybe my favorite week of the summer. It has helped me, as a mom, get creative and motivated again and realize that even with older kids, I have a lot of control over what happens in my home if I am willing to try. It has also helped give us a chance to reset and rethink how we are using technology.

For now, we would love to keep everything off and unplugged until about 3 or 4pm each day, and then be much more intentional and proactive about how we use our screen time. We are going to watch the time more closely, look for experiences and opportunities away from screens and truly enjoy when we have a chance to sit and wind down after an exciting day. We have noticed when we miss having them and what they are actually good for.

I would highly recommend giving it a try. If you can’t do it for a week, do it for one day each week or even a couple days or even just a weekend. I think you will be surprised by how good it is for everyone!

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Civil Political Discourse Starts in the Home

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Our nation has a problem with the way we speak to one another. Fire and hatred are spewed at every opportunity and the art of listening has been completely forsaken. While it’s easy to blame those in power, I believe the solution hits closer to home. An old maxim tells us to keep religion and politics away from the dinner table, but maybe that’s been the issue all along. No one ever learned how to deal with differing opinions or ideas in a safe space, so when confronted with them now, it seems vitriol is the only option. 

Civility takes practice, and if we don’t talk about politics in our home, our children will learn how to engage via Twitter and sound bites. They are not sophisticated enough to understand fake news, doctored images or quotes taken out of context. If we don’t take the time to teach them, we run the risk of kids who believe everything they see and assign validity based on the passion of the response or the popularity of an image, pushing truth to the back burner.  

As parents, we have the opportunity to change the trajectory of our nation, not just by running for office or by going to the polls, but by teaching our children how to politically engage by thinking, listening, seeing multiple sides of an issue, and then agreeing or disagreeing with facts and with grace. 

We have a responsibility to quell the divisiveness and mean spirit that surrounds almost every important discussion. Parents should be less concerned with indoctrinating their children with only one side or a narrow view of the world, and instead teach them to think, feel, collaborate and look for solutions. We can do this by bucking the system and by bringing humanity back to politics. We can hold our judgmental words and refuse to make those who disagree with us the enemy. 

What if, instead of presenting only one side of a debate that echoed our own political agenda, we educated our kids on issues and options? What if we acknowledged that all problems are complicated and that no solution is perfect? What if we let them sit in the middle, in the gray,  with all the emotion and reality that accompanies that uncomfortable spot? What if we told them that it is okay for their hearts to hurt but their minds to question what would truly be a fair and viable solution? What if we encouraged them, from young ages, to consistently think and work on creative solutions that appease both their goodness and practicality? What if compromise was a recurring option?  

As we sit around the table, we can change the conversation. Let’s move from “how was your day” chit chat and device dominated dinners and create opportunities to model thoughtful and healthy disagreement on issues that matter. Most kids have opinions, so give them a chance to voice and work through them. Start young with something simple or local…ask about online school or recess rules, then move to national discussions or enlightening studies that will open their minds and allow them to decide how they feel personally about important issues. Let them practice. And when you disagree, and I hope you do, do it well.

Show them how to listen, really listen. Help them fact check their own opinions and the opinions of others so that truth is paramount. Offer stories of people who legitimately feel differently than they do and have good reasons for it. Remind them of how glad we are that people feel passionately about different issues because no one can do it all and good causes need advocates. Share your own ideas respectfully. Admit when you are wrong or uninformed. Question them and their assumptions in a way that allows them to dig deeper but isn’t insulting. Help them realize that discussions are not boxing matches with a winner declared after each round, but an opportunity to engage and learn. 

Teach them that it is okay to walk away and still be conflicted, undecided, or miles apart. It’s possible to disagree and still love and even like each other. It’s possible to change an opinion, even one you fought for, with humility. There is nothing wrong with flip-flopping on an issue; in fact, we all should. As we learn and accumulate experience, our view of the world changes. Evolving is a sign of an emotionally and mentally mature person who isn’t afraid to look beyond what he or she has always known or thought to be true. When we know better, we do and choose better. Let’s encourage that. 

Perhaps most importantly, we must show our children how to put people above politics. That kind, generous, and intelligent people all see the world differently, and that is what makes life so beautiful. Remind them that their favorite aunt has a Make America Great sign in her yard and their incredible basketball coach has a Biden 2020 bumper sticker. Show them that the desires of most good people are the same but their understanding of how to get there is what makes things a bit rocky. Share with them that sometimes people don’t know what we know so we will have to teach with patience, compassion and grace. Talk about the real whys behind the decisions people make and the honest facts and life experiences that have led someone to the opinions they hold, not the carefully crafted narratives concocted by those who want us to hate each other. Remind them that voting for a particular person is a complicated decision for most and often we aren’t sure of all the reasons that led them to their choice. 

Expose your children to great speeches and leaders from both parties, red and blue foibles, and the magic that happens when people from each side figure out how to come together. Forget about helping them choose a party. Give them experiences that allow them to understand what is really important to them and what issues they are willing to engage in and fight for, and then reality check them with the cost and work that it takes to make those ideals come to pass. Through the process they will come to know where they stand. 

What if we could raise a generation capable of repairing a political system that is so broken most people have lost all faith in what has always been an international government beacon? What if they could undo the mess that has been made and rebuild America as the collaborative, diverse, dynamic country it was destined to be?  

For the last few years our country has been at a stalemate with almost no progress except that of a wider chasm in the middle. Let’s raise children who can close that gap, who can innovate, progress and help us wade through the impossible. We must forget about the fear that so quickly comes when we think about our kids choosing a path that is very different from our own, because if we teach them to think, to listen, to work, to love, who better to hold hands with across the aisle? 

 

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